whats worse than 2 jews 3 jews

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I'm Andrew Schmitt

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What did the quarter say to the dime? nothing.

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Q: What's big, yellow and can't swim? A: A school bus full of children.

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Yo mama's so skinny, she should probably go in for eating disorders' counseling.

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What's green and has wheels? The Holocaust. I lied about everything.

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What do you call a joke that isnt funny? This one.

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What's worst than missing a doctors appointment? Having AIDS and missng out on getting a cure that could have gotten rid of your disease.

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My lady, that is the backside of trust, I have decided to trust you, how am I supposed to feel about the fact that I believe to the point where I know that you mean everything you are saying? And that if you had any interest in backstabbing me, I would be risking my life, wife and friends. Do you not get trust? If you keep thinking like that, tomorrow you could be suspecting the mailman for being a spy, I can, and could tell you that I will cut ties with my employees, but then I would have you not only to believe me, but to support me financially, I do not need much, in fact, I need you to trust me, and if you do not trust me, what does it matter if I quit? You could accuse me for typing books that alter the mind (all books do), you could accuse me of having killed Nero and taken over... The point is, if you cannot trust me, then I cannot help you with what you ask, and if that is a requirement for our friendship to persist, then you are not looking for a friend, but for a employee.

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A train conducter conducts at 60mph, when he goes under a bridge he goes at 52mph. When he goes over a hill he goes at 47mph, if he goes under 2 bridges and over 3 hills what did the conductors mother have for dinner that night. Nothing she was raped then promptly murdered.

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A man walks into a bar and pulls out a tiny piano and a 12 inch pianist, which is really just his member with a smiley face drawn on it. Somebody calls the police muttering, "What is this world coming to?"

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A man walks into a bar. The other patrons suddenly start to run away screaming, because he had just been hit by a bus.

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What is worse than 10 babys in 1 garbage can? 1 baby in 10 garbage cans.

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Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry and lost man passes by and considered eating one of the muffins. Unfortunately he can't make a decision in time and took of in his 4-wheel drive. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin the camel ate was poisoned. The now not so hungry and lost man looks at the dead camel and noticed the zoo is almost closing now. So he left in a hurry, to cook for his family.

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People always say if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say Anthony at all. Mimes must be full of hate.

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What's green, grows in my basement, and if fun to smoke? Mold. I lied about it being fun to smoke.

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A guy starts writing a gag for a joke site. But then he couldn't think of a punchline.

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ATH: if for every 1 minute for billy is 5 minutes and every 5 minutes is an hour than billy is on acid and needs to come down.

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roses are red vilotes are blue i thought i was bent but then i met you

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Why did the boy have pink skin at night? Because he did not put on a sufficient amount of sunscreen that morning.

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Why did Logan lose his lunch? Because he forgot to his lunchbox on the day-trip.

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How do you get a ninja to do a backflip? Ask him nicely.

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two peanuts were walking down the street. but one was unsalted...

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Knock Knock? Whos there? The police, please open the door.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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