Roses are smiling, violets are trying to kill me. DId I mention I'm a paranoid schizophrenic?

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http://citizenmcgeedotcom.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/borat-banana-hammock.jpg?w=300

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Did you hear about the man who lost his whole left side of his body? He has been taken to hospital and is in a critical state where his right side of his body can not be joined together. This is life threatning and he is now not able to walk

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Excuse me, I have a shitload of stuff to do, so you are Eliza huh? I thought that was just one person conveying something to someone. Anyway, what is your name? My name is actually Nero, but you do not strike me as an Eliza, first name is more than enough. You know, if you dare, Ill be back shortly, I was gonna shower but then again, I haven't moved at all today, so yeah. Saved you? I have never saved anyone well, excuse me then, see you around, worry less about people bothering with us chatting, hell they might risk learning something (not a chance, people here are fucking jackasses, with one exception, and I do not mean me this time).

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What do you call something that shoots out a white gooey liquid? A shampoo bottle

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Fire is red Water is blue Earth is brown Air is transparent

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Why did the black man lose his leg? Because he was kidnapped and tortured.

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What did the old person find on the internet? Porn.

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Jingle bells, jingle bells SHIT MY FOOT

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a boy liked a girl. too bad she didn't like him.

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What's the hardest thing about eating a quadriplegic? The wheelchair.

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What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy? Gangrape

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's wife? No. Oh don't worry then.

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Jimmy clenches his fist, a crack his heard. Jimmy begins to cry knowing his arthritis has gotten worse.

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Why did the man punch the women? I don't know, but he served jailtime

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What is a dog's favorite color? None,dogs have colorblindness.

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What did Canada say to America? We will not become apart of the United States where people are known as Fat Nascar lovin hicks!

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? No. Well neither has he.

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1234567890? ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

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What worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding 2 worms

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What did the Jewish man get for Christmas? Jews don't celebrate Christmas, therefore nothing

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Morgan Freeman walks into a bar. Everyone is pleasantly surprised that they are in the presence of a celebrity.

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Not Sarah.

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What's the difference between an eight year old girl and a Jew? Only one comes back from camp.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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