Boyfriend: Why are you so negative all the time? Girlfriend: I'm not! I'm positive! Boyfriend: No your not your arguing with me right now and you... Narrator: The girl takes the pregnancy test and shoves it in the guys mouth kicks him in the nuts and runs out the door.

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Why does Charlie Sheen do cocaine? Because his father was a poor role model and he's an unstable celebrity.

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To clowns walk into a bar. They don't notice each other because as soon as they walk to a 5-yard radius, the length that was said to be the range of a clowns eyesight (which was actually said by a controversial scientist, looked on as a madman; he created a whole clown-eyesight-range conspiracy), when a fire starts, creating a huge apocalyptic event. However, the two clowns go into the bar unphased. Both clowns then turn opposite directions. The clown on the right sits down with his drink and takes out his book about the Victorian Era. He constantly checks his watch. The clown on the left disapears into the croud, and steals french fries from table 36. After three hours, they both walk to the back of the bar, simultaneously tying their shoes not noticing their similarity in career choices. They both open a door marked PRIVATE (while tying their shoes). After sixteen days of exactly the same thing happening repeatedly... Both clowns see eachother on the way out of the bar. Little do the know that they are being watched by the scientist I mentioned earlier. Two Years Later Both clowns die instantly after being attacked by a giant war hammer-wielding octopus on the way home from the circus.

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True fact: every rabbit lives their whole cute life.

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The opposing forces behind all human beings is not light vs darkness, not good vs evil, but fear vs ' love. Whatever is overwhelmingly good for one person, is evil to many. Overwhelming darkness wont allow you to see. Overwhelming light will make you blind. You can never fear overwhelming love. You can never love overwhelming fear. These are the true polar opposites, part of all emotion that drive the human being.

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Last night, I awoke to the unsettling sound of an alarm. My initial thought was fire. However, after analyzing the situation, I realized that it was only my alarm clock. I turned off the alarm clock, and got out of bed. Then my brother walked in my room and hit me in the face with a toaster.

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if ruddell was gay what would he be? a gay prick

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i have alzheimer's, so i forgot the punchline to this joke

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they're dead. idiot.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Falafel. Falafel who? I falafel. You feel awful? Ha, ha, ha! Oh, what a kneeslapper! Oh, God! Thanks for the laugh, I was feeling a little down and I... No, I just meant I ate a falafel. Oh. Yeah.

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What's worse than a baby nailed to a tree? Ten babies nailed to a tree. What's worse than ten babies nailed to a tree? One baby nailed to ten trees.

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just sit down and dont be a Jew

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In particle-joke physics, the antijoke is the extension of the concept of the antiparticle to the joke, where the antijoke is composed of antiparticles in the same way that the normal joke is composed of particles. Furthermore, mixing jokes and antijokes can lead to the annihilation of both, in the same way that mixing antiparticles and particles does.The result of antijoke meeting jokes is an explosion.[1]

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Why did little Bobby put a firecracker in the dog's ass? Don't worry he used lube.

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;iub

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lol im s0 gut at spelign at engrish N u laughd n liekd diZ funi joek XDD u most LUV LE MEMEZ n EMOtikons Lol (^-^) y u guyz so st00p1d at math Wtf???!?!? 1+1=8 i m soooo smurt hahaha I <3 warrior cats n dance 2 gangnum stail wile masturbatin 2 swagbois le raeg comicz ;3!! . And now you are dying of cancer.

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Person One: Knock Knock Person Two: Whos there? Person One: You can see its obviously me because theres not really a door there.

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What do you call a blonde with a broken arm? A cripple.

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Yo mums so fat she went on a diet.

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Cacti are green Clouds are white Spoons are silver Corn is yellow Carrots are orange Asphalt is black Grapes are purple Cinnamon is brown Lets's have sex

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How can you tell if someone is a Mexican? Ask them politely if they're Mexican

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Why did the bus crash? The driver was a loaf of bread.

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If life though you lemons, through skittles at them and say tast the freakin rainbow.

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Q: What did the kid with no arms and legs get for Christmas. A: A bicycle.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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