Grace Ackerson

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what did the boy say to the over weight girl your fat

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue I Have Somthing To tell you F*** You

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A pregnant woman walked into a bar what did she say? Can i have a drink

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Guy 1: why are you such a douche? Guy 2: cause douches get the most p***y

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What's worse than a baby dying of AIDS? It depends upon one's frame of reference. A family living in the US might consider the death of a baby by AIDS a horrible act by the gods. But to a similar family in sub-Saharan Africa, this might be a regular, albeit tragic occurrence.

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Why did the monkey cross the road? It didn't. It died!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Although this is a highly improbable scenario, one would assume that, being a chicken, it did not have much of an intuitive idea as to what to do while it was stray for whatever reason in an urbanized area. Considering chickens do not harbor nearly as much of a mental capacity as it would require to even comprehend the concept of a "road" and is impervious to the idea of oncoming traffic and such, the fact that it happened to be crossing the road was in fact not even recognized by the chicken. For this reasons I deem this question unanswerable.

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why cant ben cry, because i gorged his eyes out with a popsickle stick.....

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Did you hear about the guy that lost the whole left side of his body? Well, he's all right.

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Your mother is so ugly that I removed her from my friends list on Facebook.

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? It really depends on the make and model of the car, as well as the relative size and weight of the people in question, but legally you can only have as many people in the car as there are seatbelts available for them.

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What happens when you run out of butter You ask antonio

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"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Banana." The man of the house subsequently notifies his government that genetic engineering is going awry.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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The Lord said to John: "Go forth and receive eternal life" But John went fifth... So he won a toaster

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why didnt the llama eat the string bean? Becuz he was a vegetarian

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Why couldn't he play piano? Because he is an untalented piece of shit.

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Your mother is so fat that I suggest she should pay a visit to the nutritionist so they can work out a dieting plan together to prevent weight-related heart problems in the near future.

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Two people went to a planetarium to see a movie about the solar system. They came out smarter than when they had first walked in.

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Why did the Japanese man commit suicide? He was terminally ill and decided it was his time to go

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A group of cows boarded a spaceship and was launched into orbit around the Earth. It was the herd shot around the world.

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What do you get when you cross a man, with Alzheimers disease?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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