What do you do when life throws lemons at you? Take out your lemon shield and retreat deep into your lemon proof bunker.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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A man says to another man, "Why the long face?" He then replies, "I have an elongated face, hands, and feet due to acromegaly."

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Knock knock! Why didn't you use the doorbell?

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What's black and white and red all over? A dying zebra.

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Why do aliens listen to relaxing music while they have sex? They like to cum in peace. \m/

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I just drank a cola.

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why did the blond have a broken nose? because she was brutaly beaten by five rapists when she refused to have sex with them.

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What is more boring than watching paint dry? Aids

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Why is this the best day of 10 year old Johnny's life? His parents were killed in 9/11, and Osama Bin Laden has been found and killed. What, Too soon?

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Were you born on a freeway? because thats were all accidents happen.

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what do you say when you wake up in the middle of the night and see your tv floating thats odd.

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How many pieces of gum are in 5 gum? 5. i meen 7

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What's worse than walking into a lampost? Your seven year old child accidentally finding and watching a sex tape that you made years ago.

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Did you hear the joke about the deaf guy ? He didn't.

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Q: Why couldn't the man lick his ice cream? A: Because his body shut down due to the fact that a bullet went straight through his brain. This happened before he could even order his ice cream.

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Q: what happens if a black guy says hi person? A: he says hi person

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What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot

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J- Jiggly E- Enormous S- Sad S- Smelly E- Ethiopian

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Given the unlikely circumstance in which an elephant actually does sit on your fence, it is equally unlikely said elephant would be able to do so unseen by witnesses, of whom you may ask what time the event occurred. Assuming your witness thought to look at the time befor calling animal control.

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Knock knock. Who's there?

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shut up elliot

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How do you stop a bus? throw a boy with an ice cream cone infront of the bus. but...come to think of it, that may not work. he might drop the ice cream on top of it >:l

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How many Jews can you fit in a car? It really depends on the make and model of the car, as well as the relative size and weight of the people in question, but legally you can only have as many people in the car as there are seatbelts available for them.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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