I woke up in bed with someone this morning. ... Hah.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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Today, my friend threw a lemon at me very hard and hit me in the testicles. FML

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Alpine Ibexes climb nearly 90 degree angles to lick salt deposits off mountain sides. They crave that mineral.

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On the next line im going to write a joke: George W. Bush

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Q:Why did the retarded student get called down to the office? A:Because both his parents died in a car accident.

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How do black people vote? They go to their polling place, register, then vote for their candidate on election day.

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Peaches eat leaches, that is why sneaches live on beaches.

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Q:why did the man jump of the house A:he did not I threw a frige at him

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What did the no-arm, no-leg, paraplegic orphan with cancer get for christmas? Pregnant.

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Q: Why are all black people fast? A: Because the slow ones are in jail.

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Oh you're dating my ex? Do you want my unfinished sandwhich too? And my old shoes? And a couple of my shirts I don't wear anymore? How about a my toys I used to play with? Or my spoiled pickle that's been in my car for about a year and a half after I went to the mall with my friends, we watched a movie, I don't remember which one it was but it was funny, then after that we went to McDonald's and it was the first time I heard of McGangbang and it was pretty good. After that I think we went to Jerry's cousin's house, he was a cool guy until I found out that he likes Tyga, so I ended up never talking to him again.... I went off topic, sorry

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No pen- no notes No notes- no study No study- no good grades No good grades- no diploma No diploma- no job No job- no money No money- no food No food- really skinny Really skinny- ugly Ugly- no wife No wife- no kids No kids- lonely Lonely- death No pen=death

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what's worse then death? finding that your adopted, no one loves you and you mother raped you at the tender age of five.

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how many dead babies can fit in a microwave? 3 1/2

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

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why did the man get a divorce? Because his wife had an affair.

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go up to some one and say "i told you it would happen" with a straight face and walk away. it should cause a LOT of confusion.

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What do you call a middle-eastern man flying a plane? A pilot

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What do you call a black man in jail Your dad

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Why couldn't the woman drive the car? Because she was a woman.

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Knock knock, Who's there? The constable. Your husband was killed in a car crash.

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Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.

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A Blonde Goes On "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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