What jew get for christmas? Your money.

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What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint

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Do you know the joke about the two guys who went to Paris ? Me neither.

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Snapple fact #572: You're a terrible person.

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Q:Ask me my name. A:What is your name? A:Hey why do you need to know that?

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs on your porch? Matt.

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What is big, green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree and hit you in the head, it will probably kill you? A pool table.

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How do you put on a condom Very Carefully

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what is brown with wheels? a potatoe, i was just kidding about the wheels

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What did the duck say to the man? Nothing. Ducks cannot talk.

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A mother and father heard their young son sobbing in his room, so they ran upstairs to see what the problem was. When they got to his room, they found the older son was dead and hanging from the ceiling. And the younger son was actually laughing, not crying.

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how many indians does it take to screw in a light bulb? one if it can reach 2 if it's high.One to screw in the bulb the other to hold the ladder.

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3 men find a genie lamp on the side of a road, The genie grants them each a wish as they surely deserve. The first man asks for a jet and the genie glady grants him this and the man starts to fly away. The second man says to make a wall around asia and the genie complies. The third man thinks for a minute and finally says fill it with water and as a genie the genie cannot refuse. They all drowned seeing how the jet had no fuel. The genie goes back to sleep and is picked up by an alien 5,000 years in the future, the Earth is destroyed in 7012(as if we didnt already destroy it). The genie survives and currently resides on uranus.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know why, but I was standing on the other side of the road and I took it home and mamed the chicken with a powerdrill.

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What's worse than stepping on a lego? Being eaten alive by a man-sized spider.

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Q: How did Muhamid Ali ( casius clay ) get a black eye? A: He was born

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Why was the gorilla crying? His brother died

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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Edward and Bella looked at each other. Then they both died. Oh, and Jacob is actually a transvestite.

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How do you kill a blond? You don't. If you do, you'll get reported to the cops and sent to jail.

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Q:What colors make black? A:Nothing Thats a Shade

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Why did the Mexican cross the road? Because he wanted to get to the other side.

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Knock Knock Who's There? I am. I am who? I think someone has contracted amnesia.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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