How do you stop a black man from spitting? People of all races and colours are quite within their right to spit on their own property whenever they wish. However if anyone spits on or near you, you could report him to the police, but don't expect to be taken seriously.

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So a black man steals a bike Because it was unlocked, and that was just poor planning.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "why the long mane?"

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Yo mammals so stupid, she's got AIDS!

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Dan was friends with Dick. Dick likes to give massages to Dan. Dan's favorite is Dickie's special mixture. He will remember Dick, his favorite personal assisatant for life. CREEPER

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yo mamas so dumb she named her house butt and her son crack and then she called the police saying I looked all over my butt and i can not find my crack.

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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Whats the difference between pizza and a Jewish person? Pizza doesnt scream when being put into an oven.

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Richard Nixon walks into a bar. Everyone is thrilled to meet a former President of the United States who returned from the grave.

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Whats bad about being a black jew? You have to sit in the back on the oven.............

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I wont be arriving soon alright, I mean I am a overachiever for many reasons many of them not exactly "gifts" (such as the pain I cant shut up about but focus on other things such as my goal surely keeps my mind occupied enough). Thanks about the looks comment, used to think I was pretty good looking myself, so if I am more than the looks, then I really like that one (I know I am being a bit brash, but I haven't felt this... Better in a long time, and if hell if I will fake low self confidence, modesty is not my thing when I am not in the mood to be charming) By the way, Alice is quoting me, and having a laugh doing so apparently, lets just say I wont be typing myself ever again, my fingers are not... Useful, and honestly typing with one hand was always a bitch. Enough about me, ill have one of "my shadows" send you money for a first class (seriously you have spent enough on me, and now that my city is making a revenue and still advancing, its my turn to return whatever I can) Tell your parents you won the lottery and share some of the money with them I am sending you a bit extra so to speak. And ffs do not worry about my body, not even sure if I will walk again and speaking, well while it hurts (Alice is laughing again) people here concluded I would live for faaar longer than their first prognosis since I never been a fan of shutting up, and as I told them, my mouth will keep yapping about 200 years after I die, so no problemo. Ill send you a first class to... Nvm you take the money, and come around whenev... You know what? Ill send a plane, yeah, because we can afford that, not yours to keep but you know...

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How do you drown a dumb blonde? Hold her underwater.

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My dad is lactose intolerant. He shouldn't eat cheese.

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Why did the boy fall asleep in class? He was tired.

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What did the goat say to the zebra? Nothing. Goats can't speak

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Two men walk into a bar. The third seeing the protruding bar goes home to find his entire family dead from anthrax.

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Steven Hawking walks into a bar everyone is amazed because the surgery he just got cured his parilization

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So much with being an author... You with the Feds? The CIA?

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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A Penn State administrator walks in to a butt.

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Thanks, I admire your sincerity, and I am happy to see that I got a lot more in common with you, than with well, my nerdy and geeky friends, which are not reading this here and now unless they are going against their orders and messing up their own work schedule. I just want you to know that I have fallen in love with you Nero, and if that is a problem for you, please let me know ASAP.

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Whats worse than being a jew? Having all of your friends viciously murdered at a party that you weren't invited to.

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Why didn't john go to school? He has terminal cancer and he must stay at hospital

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Why did the mexican mow the lawn. Because the grass in his front yard is longer than he likes it .

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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