Q: What did the duck say to the bartender? A: Nothing considering that ducks cannot speak

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Why was john's balls itchy? Because he recently gained a severe infestation of pubic lice.

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How is a presidential election like Alien vs. Predator? Whoever wins, we lose.

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What's the difference between a book. A tree's leaves hit the trash cans

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Roses are red violets are blue I can't rhyme fridge

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What do you call a man who shoots someone? A very bad person.

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The Irishman walked out of the bad.. Haha just kidding

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"stupid creationist" Perfect example of redundance.

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A dyslexic man hears a joke, and laffs.

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What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed? Nothing.

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Why was the man running? He needed to get somewhere fast.

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How do you make someone cry? Shit on them

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How many friends does it take to catch an owl? One because he was a bird catcher.

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When life gives you lemons you can't make lemonade! Life is not a person, place, or thing that is able to physically hand you something! But, you can go to your local grocery store and buy some lemons.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got run over by a semi and died.

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roses are brown violets are brown, who took a shit in my garden

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What did the depressed girl say to her mother? I cut my wrists

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Given the unlikely circumstance in which an elephant actually does sit on your fence, it is equally unlikely said elephant would be able to do so unseen by witnesses, of whom you may ask what time the event occurred. Assuming your witness thought to look at the time befor calling animal control.

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There was a lil girl in a red hoody skipping to her grandma's house. When she got there she noticed her grandma wasn't home. The lil girl panics and see's a wolf. She hesitates and asks the wolf "Have you seen my grandma" The wolf replies with a yes, shes in the backyard planting flowers.

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How do you make a little boy cry? You rape his dog

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Knock knock. Who's there?

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How do you make your friends more positive ? Infect them with HIV.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops