Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she was hit by a refrigerator.

What's Kanye West's main goal in life? To dash the hopes and dreams of Taylor Swift on national television.

John has 58 candy bars. He eats 40, what does John have? Diabetes, John has Diabetes.

2 girls talking to each other: brunette: Christmas is on Friday this year blonde: let's hope its not on Friday the 13th!!!!!

Why did the kid fall? He got pushed off of a building

Why didn't suzie eat? Because she wasn't hungry

A man and his son cross the street, the man hears a screaming noise and ignores it, the man gets across and notice his wife missing...

Why did the woman cross the road? Trick question, she didn't because she was in the kitchen.

What did Oprah get for christmas? Weight Watchers

Knock knock Who’s there? Knock knock Knock knock who? Knock knock

Why did Greg move to the Lake District? Because his dog died and the family is in mourning.

How do you tell if someone likes butter? You ask them

Y the girl tuch her butt she tried To get dookie

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

Why was the woman sad on her 21st birthday? Because she was born on September 11,1980

How do you get your dog to stop barking? You snap its neck.

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Yo momma is so fat when she sat on the i pod she made the i pad!

What is Jetlag? When your computer is running too many applications/programs, thus causing the game Jetman on Facebook to lag.

Q: whats worse that sucking at piano A: the world blowing up

What do you get when you cross the motorway with a lottery ticket? You get knocked down and killed.

What happens when a right turn is finally made in NASCAR? The driver has successfully changed his tires and has been refueled, now he is pulling out of pit lane.

Whats two plus two? Miles