What is worse than a worm in you're apple? Two worms in you're apple.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Kevin: Why can't you hear a pterodactyl urinate? Bob: Because it's extinct? Kevin: No you idiot! The P is silent! Pterodactyl: RAARRGHH! (eats Bob)

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What is really hard around Kim Kardashian? Diamonds.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What's ugly and has shit smeared over its teeth? Smelly McD (He also wears bin bag clothes)

thumb_up thumb_down -28

I'm on the seafood diet. I eat clams and shrimp because it is healthy for me.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

thumb_up thumb_down -28

What do you get if you throw a banana at the wall? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

10+10=20. 20+20=40 40-10=30 I have 2 penises.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Your mamas so poor she cant even afford to support a family

thumb_up thumb_down -28

your momma's so stupid she shot herself

thumb_up thumb_down -30

I named my cat Pounce because she jumps. In retrospect I suppose most cats do jump, in fact, they are even known for it.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

How do you get four gay guys on a bar stool? With teamwork and coordination, each could place one foot on the seat, and they can all stand up using each other for balance and support. The fact that they are gay in unimportant.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

What's similar between a yellow bicycle and blue potatoes? They both have weight.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

-Knock, knock. -Who's there? -The pest control guy. -Please leave me alone I'm giving birth.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Hey, I just met you And this is crazy I have alzheimer's Bacon

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Why was timmy having trouble with his homework? Because lobotomies were a forced practice in the 1950's.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

So a magician was droving down the road and then he turned into a driveway!

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Whats so bad about all the black people in the world dying? The police would be out of a job.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Why did the little hamster die? Because it had a careless owner who never paid any attention to it. therefor it passed away.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

GOODJESUSLORDALMIGHTY dis boy myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy i can't even................ fhrejhklgfjgtedlfcgrbh http://www.google.com/imgres?q=harry+styles+stupid&start=231&hl=en&safe=active&sa=X&biw=1022&bih=539&tbm=isch&prmd=imvnso&tbnid=6-GniQ6ct-j0HM:&imgrefurl=http://katiespilling.blogspot.com/&docid=6oY2cEt2vFEq0M&imgurl=http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7nKXEePj87o/T5dBnSfhaBI/AAAAAAAAAHw/RNSE68GzbjU/s1600/Harry%252BStyles%252Bboy%252Bband%252BOne%252BDirection%252Barrives%252B1Tg3l2FYklYl.jpg&w=396&h=594&ei=2Y7HT6jnL4e69QSK2oW5Dw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=244&vpy=12&dur=543&hovh=160&hovw=106&tx=72&ty=122&sig=110416686013590693091&page=18&tbnh=160&tbnw=106&ndsp=13&ved=1t:429,r:1,s:231,i:105

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Knock knock. Who's there? Jane from next door. Hi Jane how can I help you? Just wondering if my sister could use the spare spot on your drive tomorrow afternoon around 3pm? She is coming round for tea. I'm very sorry but my wife is due back around that time. Not a problem, thanks anyway. Have a great day. Bye Jane, see you soon, sorry again.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Me - "Wanna hear something that will make me laugh?" *giggles* friend - "Sure." teehee if anyone gets it.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

What does it mean if your born on opposite day? you have sids

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Knock Knock I'm sorry but the new don't ask don't tell laws require me to not answer but do feel free to come in for some tea.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops