Two Guys Walk into a bar, you would think one of them would've seen it

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. He looks it up first to make sure he's got it right before dialing.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did silly Miss Sally put her baby in the dishwasher? Because she was suffering from advanced stages of Schizophrenia. She thought that her baby was a dish. Her mother, Carol watched in horror as her granddaughter was placed inside. A tear dribbled from her eye. Things had been bad, but because Sally was her daughter, she had been tolerant. Carol sobbed as the baby screamed in terror, unable to escape. Finally, Carol, tears in her eyes, called Child Protective Services on her own daughter, something she didn't want to do. When CPS representatives finally came, they were horrified at the sight of a screaming baby covered in suds with burnt skin that had been scorched by hot jets. Sally's baby, Alex was taken from her and put into foster care.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

what happened to the guy that got shot in the head? Nothing, it was a water gun.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Q:What is your maturity on a scale of 1 to 100? A:69

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor

thumb_up thumb_down +8

knock knock who's there aids aids who ... dumb ass

thumb_up thumb_down +8

what's mouthwatering and smells like fish? salmon

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A: Hi I am a Mormon B: I know I'm one of your wifes

thumb_up thumb_down +8

what did the boy say when his friend was having a panic attack? "don't panic!" rather earnestly in the hope that his friend's breathing returned to normal as panic attacks can be very uncomfortable and place too great a strain upon the cardio and respiratory functions.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Tunechi

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why couldn't little Timmy turn in his homework? Because on the way to school little Timmy was hit by a bus

thumb_up thumb_down +8

i just pooped that is all!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Rick Santorum 2012

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Yo mamas so fat she's over weight

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Who ya gonna call? ... Whoever you need to talk to at the current time.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

If you are floating down main street in a canoe and your front right propeller falls off, how many pancakes can you fit in a doghouse? None, because ice cream doesn't have bones

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do you say to an over weight Jewish mother? "Work on those crunches" He was her coach.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Asians

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do you put in a toaster? Toast, oh wait, it's bread

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What did Hitler say to Obama Nothing because Hitler is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

what did Dr. Dre say? Nothing you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

what did Marvin Gay's father say to him before he died? "hey come listen to this 45 real quick"

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's white, wet, and sticky? A tissue that I just blew my nose with.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops