Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but orange gourds. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

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What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby? I take my cleats off when I jump on the trampoline

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There was a little boy in kindergarten who really had to go to the bathroom. So he asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, and she told him he could go at snack time. The little boy really had to go to the bathroom, so he asked his teacher again, and like before, she told him to wait until it was snack time. The little boy had to go very very badly and asked the teacher one more time. This time the teacher said "if you can say the alphabet, then you can go to be bathroom" so the little boy got up all his courage and started off with "A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y and Z." Then the teacher said,"good job" and let him go to the bathroom. When he went there was a man waiting in the stall who brutally raped and murdered the boy.

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I’m on the new Seefood Diet… I can only eat Fish or shell fish

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What did the boy with arms or legs get for Christmas? Cancer.

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How many black people does it take to change a light bulb? one, its a fairly easy task

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What did the boy say when be landed in the bottom of the well, nothing he was dead.

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Why did the Mexican get arrested? Because he crossed the border.

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What's worse than homework? A basket full of mutilated puppies....

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What is green and has wheels? A blue car.

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Wanna know how to confuse a black guy? Give him a fried chicken sandwich with mayo on it.

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So I'm at the office and I tell this guy, "Hey can you pass me the stapler. But when you pass it over, make sure there are staples in it 'cause if not, I can't staple anything."

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Your mama's so fat, that it's ruined her self-esteem.

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What did Hitler say to his empire, A lot of stuff that I am to lazy to look up, all i know that the holocaust was bad and we shouldn't repeat it.

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Knock Knock Go Away

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-Ask me if i'm a crab. -Are you a crab? -No, why would i be a crab?

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"This is Jesus Christ to Tim Tebow. Please leave me alone. Don't you know that my day off, is Sunday?"

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What did Little Jimmie say to his mom when he got home frome school? Nothing his moms dead.

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Knock Knock Who is there? The IRS coming to take your house

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Why did the black man repeatedly punch the white man? The two men were boxers. They were fighting in a charity boxing match. Revenue generated by the event went towards cancer research.

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Women's rights.

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Why did the Mexican man jump to the floor? He had a stroke.

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My Boyfriend

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Why was the blonde girl stupid? She had suffered sever brain damage the previous month and was still recovering.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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