A grasshopper hops into a bar and orders a drink. "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" exclaims the bartender. "You have a Melanoplus Differentialis?" asks the grasshopper. "Yes."

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Well, if the socket were 20 feet in the air, it might take 4 blondes with really good balance. Then again, it might not matter how many blondes there are due to transportation issues. (What if there are no replacement light bulbs in the house, and the nearest store was 10 miles away? It would be ridiculous to expect someone to walk twenty miles to replace a light bulb) In conclusion, I would say that the number of blondes it takes to screw in a light bulb is dependent on the individual situation at hand.

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Why was the baby crying? Because it was on fire.

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Why did the man reach for his gun? Because he wanted to kill someone.

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whats worse than getting raped by your mom getrting raped by a giant scorpian

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What do you call a seagull that flew into the bay? Wet.

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Math teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand, and 6 in the other. What do I have? Student: A drinking problem. _._._

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roses are black violets are grey... im color blind sorry

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Did you hear about the man who discovered the secret to making women happy? Neither have I.

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What did the Dark Knight say to the Policeman? I'm Batman

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What do you call most people over 50 who aren't married. Divorced

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How did the clown crash his car? A horrible tornado chrashed through the town.

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What is the difference between a boyscout and a Jew? Boys outs come home from camp.

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Why did the boy throw the clock out the window? He was severely depressed.

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A man claims to own a talking dog. A skeptic approaches the man and his dog and asks for a demonstration. The man asks his dog, "How does sandpaper feel?" The dog says, "Ruff!" The skeptic is not convinced. The man then asks his dog, "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time?" The dog, who like all dogs cannot fully comprehend human speech, proceeds to lick his balls.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill. Jill was dehydrated.

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Why did the old man order the little girl into the car? Because he was her grandfather.

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Anti-Joke is a silver bullet.

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If life gives you lemons your hallucinating

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once you go black you prefer not to date any white people

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What is the difference between baseball and the holocaust? One is a fun sporting event…. The other is baseball.

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why did the bear fall out of the tree? He died. Why did the raccoon fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the bear.

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Why was the young women crying Because her fiancé who was battling a severe Case of pneumonia just passed away

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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