Why did the little girl go to the hospital?........................Beacuse she fell when trying to steal cookies out of the cookie jar on top of the fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

You: Hey, I have a good knock knock joke, here, you start! -and if all goes well...- Them: Knock knock! You:Who's there? Them: Uhh...

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Person 1: Ask me if I'm a truck? Person 2: Are you a truck? Person 1: No.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q. What's better then a baby in a microwave? A. What the hell is wrong with you? Did your parents not love you enough when you were born? Everything is worse then a baby in a microwave! Besides the felony charges it is extremely wrong! Your going to hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

what do you do when you see a black man getting hitted by a Mexican taxi? -Call 911

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's sweet and tastes like candy? Candy, now get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What happened to the little boys house? It burned down. How did the boy die? In the fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

"why did the cheese not go to church on sunday" "because it was jewish"

thumb_up thumb_down +21

- Why Justin Bieber can't login to Facebook? - Because he forgot the password.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, but the real question is why there are two flies having sex inside a light bulb.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do gay cows eat? Grass.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why does the man leave the store, with two lemons in his shopping bag? Because lemons happened to be one of the items of food he had purchased.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A blonde was drinking water from the water fountain. She was very thirsty.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

The guy told a funny joke. Why wasn't the other guy laughing? Because he was having a heart attack

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Knock Knock! Who's there? Delivery for a Mr. Peerson? Oh yes, that's me. Thank you.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

what happened to the 4 year old girl who got stuck in the freezer? She froze.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What is the difference between a rabbit and a plum? A: They are both purple, except for the rabbit!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q: Why didn't the dirty man jump into the shower? A: Because he spotted the potential danger to jump into a slippery shower and proceeded with caution.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did the black fire-fighter do when the house caught fire? The heroic man ran inside and got every animal and person inside to the out side and then proceeded to extinguish the flames with his fire-extinguisher out, thus saving most of the families valuables. He was then awarded a raise in his salary for his heroic valor. Although any fire-fighter could have done this because of the hard work and dedication that is put into training. So really describing the race that this heroic man is was totally pointless.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do you call a women with 2 black eyes? Hopefully nothing because abuse is something that shouldn't be messed with and it is wrong.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

There once was a man from Madrass Whose balls were made out of brass This was incredibly uncomfortable and embarrassing for him. It also affected his sexual potency and rendered him infertile, Which drastically affected his ability to enter and sustain relationships with women.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the chicken cross the road?

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops