A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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2 men were friends 1 went to hell The other went to heaven

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Your mama is so fat. Just look at her.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is both blind and deaf, and doing so would put others in danger.

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What is more boring than watching paint dry? Aids

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Your Momma is so fat that she will most like lose a leg to diabetes which is totally preventable if she eats a well balanced diet. I hope she loses weight. Say hi to her from me please.

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What is purple and rhymes with apple? Nothing

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How many electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb? One.

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How do you get Suzy to get off the swing? Ask her to move.

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A rooster lays an egg on top of a henhouse. Which way does the egg fall? Roosters don't lay eggs.

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A knock knock B who's there A nobody

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Q: How many hair styles do celebreties induce annualy? A: I have no clue but I'm pretty sure that's a midget defacing your house!

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Wath black poeple eat for christmas your food.

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why did you read this anti-joke? because you typed in antijoke on google or have the app on a phone

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What does a man say to his annoying friend? Please stop annoying me now.

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A black man, an Asian man, and a Mexican man jump off a bridge. They were all suffering from chronic depression and couldn't take the pressures of life anymore.

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Why does Renee suck at tetris Because she has cancer.

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Sammi suck kyles chode

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What is worst about the great white shark? It's hundreds of sharp teeth, strong tail, or subtle racism? Probably the teeth.

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A rabbi,a priest and minister didnt walk into a bar. Bars are for fun and fun is for not completely insane brainwashed people.

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Can we still mine for gold in the American River? No, anyone seen mining for gold is considered a hobo and all the gold is cleared out by random people in the 17 century

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What's worse than a rainy day? Rape.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It had AIDS

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A bunch of nuns were riding a three-seat bicycle. The seats were comfy and no one complained.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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