what do you call a man with no arms or legs sitting at your doorstep? matt what do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in the water? bob what do you call a man that just had his daughter taken away from him? ...sam

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why did the little boy run away from the beach? Hurricane Irene.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

the only thing funny about this website is the fact ciaran hawkins is in love with it

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Want to hear the story about how I got put in prison? So I have an odd bunch of friends: one of them is Polish and he works at a call centre, the other is a slave trader and his name is Richard. We tend to meet outside our Polish friend's house to speak or to do "business" when need be (I run errands for Richard) and the other day that's where I got asked to kidnap an American. "That's strange" I thought, but nevertheless I went out and took the American from his house and carried him over in a sack over to our meeting place. I handed him over and sneaked off as soon as I could, thinking I was home free. But I wasn't. The police turned up all angry like. There were witnesses. Turns out a bunch of kids saw me giving Dick a Yank next to the telephone Pole.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

New groundbreaking research has just revealed today that a complex sentence can be used to manipulate the human mind, so in this sentence somewhere is a psychological amemphism that subconsciously hypnotises the mind into doing something within the next five seconds, and if you read this sentence over and over again, you might just spot it!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Two men are stranded in a structure on an alien planet, they are frightened when they are told that there is evidence of a life form near them, they explore their surroundings and find a snake-like creature that flares what looks like wings, bites one of the men on the hand and wraps its tail around his arm squeezing it until the arm breaks (we see the bone poke through his sleeve and he screams); the creature slithers up his sleeve, into his mask and lunges into his mouth killing him, and the other man is sprayed on the mask with acid and we see the plastic of the mask melt onto his face.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

2 nuns were in a bathtub. One says to the other "Could you pass me the soap please?" The other replies, "What do you think I am, a radio?"

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What did the fly say when he went to Dunkin Donuts? Can I have a doughnut?

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What's worse than finding another worm in your apple? Another Holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What happened to the boy who spilled his fruit punch on the president? He was offered a new one compliments of Obama himself.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Q What did Stevens mum say when he asked to be an astronaut A no your heads too big

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why can't the children hug his father? Because his father is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

hashtags suck balls

thumb_up thumb_down -22

knock knock come in!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why did the chicken cross the road? His whole family killed themselves.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why did the whale rape a guy? He wanted to see what would happen.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A Russian Irish and American beat up on a Canadian. the only thing wrong with that is i forgot the , in between the races. but on the good side the Canadian was Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down -22

2 Penises

thumb_up thumb_down -22

why did the black man attend the AA meeting? his wife told him the only way she would stay with him is if he would attend these meetings, he was an alcoholic and is dying of liver failure.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What's funnier than diarrhoea? Cancer What's funnier than cancer? The holocaust

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas? rockband

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Q: What do you call 5 white guys sitting on a bench A: The NBA

thumb_up thumb_down -22

On a scale of 1 to Lord Voldemort, how awkward would you say your hugs are?

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops