Kanye West walks into a bar. As he is a very popular celebrity, he is recognized instantly. The patrons mob him, asking for pictures and autographs. He is in a pleasant humour that evening, so he indulges them. Some laughs are had, he buys lots of drinks, and takes home two beautiful women. Such is the life of a celebrity. ...but that still doesn't make him happy.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear? The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

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How do you get a one armed polock out of a tree? You assess the situation and get a ladder the proper size to reach him, making sure the ladder is stable.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken just lost his job and has entered into a deep depression. He was going to commit suicide at the local KFC, but as he walked into the KFC, he saw a beautiful woman. They lived a full and happy life together until the chicken died of old age. Turns out the woman was blind, and partially deaf.

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what does michael jackson do to little boys? nothing, he's dead.

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What's the difference between a dead baby and a Ferrari? A Ferrari was never alive.

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What has 156 bras and 927 pairs of underwear? Someone without a washing machine.

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An old lady says, "Oh i see now." The guy standing next to her says, " Honey oyu know im blind right?"

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People used to throw rocks at whores. Now they're throwing wood. *Hint. Hint.*

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who is awesome? no one...

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Why didn't the woman need a watch? Because she had both her hands amputated after battling diabetes.

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If life gives you lemons.... Life is an abstract noun not a physical object so it can not give you lemons.

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One cow, determined to make a difference in the world, gets killed in a meat packing plant. We killed him, and we killed his dreams.

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What did the penis say to the other penis? What? Penis motherbucker

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My name is Will I am a real homosexual

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Why did the Chicken cross the road? 9/11

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What's the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend? My girlfriend is alive and 19 years older.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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In Soviet Russia you don't drive car, because the Soviet Union was disbanded in 1991

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What's worse than a worm in your holocaust? An apple.

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Why are Germans good at soccer The Holocaust.

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What's red and round? A red and round solid.

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Your mama's so nice, she made me cookies once. And I enjoyed them.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It just didn't.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops