Santa Clause, a smart blonde, and the Queen of England all jump out of a plane, which hits the ground first? Galileo's theory tells us that all objects fall at the same speed regardless of weight, so they all hit simultaneously.

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What is Helen Keller's favorite color? Velcro

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Why did the man reach for his gun? Because he wanted to kill someone.

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What did the mother get her blonde daughter for her birthday? A flower on her tombstone.

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Why did the elephant fall on the marshmallow? Because he didn't want to fall in the hot chocolate!

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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What would you do if I said a horse ate your mother? It doesn't mattet, I didn't

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Q. What's the difference between a duck? A. An orange.

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Womens rights

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Why is a building called a building when it's already been built? My pinky is pink and my liver helps me live.

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How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? A car crash.

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An American, a French man, and Jew were all in an airplane about to skydive. Their skydiving instructor comes out and says, "I'm sorry, there seems to've been a mistake and we only have two parachutes." The company refunds them, and they, while reasonably disappointed, agree to reschedule the lesson.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Incorrect. Violets are violet. DERP!

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whats the difference between a door knob? a milk carton, because people have legs so they can walk !!!!!

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hey! Wanna hear a bird joke? No. Well this is Hawkward....

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A homeless man gets a computer. Later that day he is found dead inside the computer.

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Three men are sitting in a tub. One of them says "Toss me the soap." The second one says "Toss me the shampoo." The third one says "Toss me the toaster."

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Q: What's your dog's name ? A: Dog. Q: What's your cat's name ? A: Cat. Q: What's your dick's name A: Pinky

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Why didn't Timmy have a girlfriend ??? Because he's a Fruit bowl !

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why did the grandmom make rollerblades into cookies? because she had dementia

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A man violently rapes a small child. Unfortunately the child has aids and gives them to the man.

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Why was 6 afraid of seven? because 7 brutally beat and raped 9

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Knock knock Who's there? The Gestapo, time to go to Auschwitz.

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What did one rock say to the other rock? Nothing. Rocks can't talk, idiot.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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