What do you say if you see a monkey driving a car? Nothing , you run away because primates are incapable to have motor skill and will probably crash within the next 50 feet

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A baby seal walks into a club. He is immediately escorted out because babies are not allowed in clubs.

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The dog, Marley from Marley and Me. It died.

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What's long and hard, and has cum in it? A cucumber

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Q. What do black people, Asians, and Irishmen call their moms? A. "Mom"

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Why did the Black guy work at KFC? To provide money for his struggling family.

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My three children are three big mistakes.

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Chuck Norris can carry very heavy objects.

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Why did rachels computer break ? Because she was using it in the road and got hit by a bus

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My mom told me and my brother to clean up o te commercial...but we were watching Netflix

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What do you call a black man with pantyhose on his head. A white guy in the dark with black pantyhose on his head

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what did one soldier say to the other... dude take your finger out my a** it has been that long

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Ask me if I like pie. Do you like pie? OF COURSE!!!!!

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Why can't Amy winehouse drive? She's dead.

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Why did everyone at school think that Susan was so hot? They set her on fire.

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What do you call a creepy person trying to break into your house? A robber

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Jeff comes home from a long day at work. As a result he is very tired. So, he decides to go to bed.

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what do trees like to drink? r o o t b e a r

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Three penguins are at the top of snowy hill. The first penguin slides down the hill, and yells "RADIO!" The second penguin slides down the hill, and yells "RADIO!" Finally, the third penguin slides down and hill and yells "RADIO!"

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A bear and a rabbit both take a dump in the woods below an old oak tree. They look at each other, smile and nod their heads in acknowledgment of one another. The bear is first to let go of his rather large load and a loud THUMP is heard throughout the woods. Shortly after another and then another. The rabbit looks at the bear for a moment then turns closes his eyes and begins to strain. Finally the sound of what can only be described as a machine gun rattles through the wood. Looking impressed the bear looks over at the rabbit as it pops off its last few pellets. When the rabbit is finished the bear asks "Do you have a problem with the shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit thinks for a moment then looks at the bear and says "Umm... No, not really." So the bear uses the rabbit to wipe his arse.

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What happened to the cow that couldn't moo? It died because it could not make it's needs known to it's fellow herd and was bullied and isolated.

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Bill and John are talking about types of cheese. The conversation drags on a bit and slowly changes topic. Bill says "I bet you I can bungy jump off a bridge". John chuckles before replying "I bet you can't". They go and find a bridge and Bill puts on his harness and ties himself to the side of the bridge. He throws himself off the edge and falls through the air screaming at the top of his voice. John cuts the bungy cord and Bill dies.

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Hit me and kick me were on a log. Hit me fell off, swan to shore, and went home.

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A man visits his doctor for an annual checkup. "Doc, I feel great! I'm running 5 miles a day, I just got promoted at work, and sex with my wife has never been better!" A few weeks later, his doctor calls him in. When he arrives, the doctor looks at him grimly. "I have some bad news. You have lung cancer." "But how? I don't smoke. My wife doesn't smoke. I have never felt better." The doctor pats him on the back, reassuringly. "This may be true, but you still have lung cancer."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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