Life is like a box of chocolates, quite strange to enjoy when you're single.

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What has stripes, isn't a virgin, and has golden hands? I don't know I asked you first.

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roses are blue, violets are red. I am color blind

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What did death say to life? Go die

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Hey I just met you and this is crazy, but i have Alzheimer's. Hey i just met you.

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why wont our kids have time to socialize? because theyll all be too busy trying to find a solution for global warming.

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your mom is so fat, she uses nutrisystem and other weight-loss systems to try to loose weight.

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Why are the new york knicks called the new york knicks.? no one gives a crap

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roes are red violets are blue we have nothing in common so baby were through

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"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Plumber, ma'am." "Thank God you're here. I haven't been able to take a shower in three days."

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Timmy had to use the restroom in class one day, so he raised his hand and asked, "Can I use the restroom?" The teacher said, "I don't know, CAN you?" Timmy said'," When I was using 'can', I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier for asking for permission, as opposed to expressing ability. I though since you were a teacher you would know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

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Why shouldn't you hit a black guy on a bike? Because you would get charged with vehicular manslaughter and have the NAACP all up in your ass.

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What do Elephants never forget? 9/11

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A guy watches a porno. When it is over, he said; "Wow, that was deep"

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why did Bernard have a bold because I ripped his Mohawk

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What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. Your mom is the punchline.

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One terrible stormy night, the citizens of Ristoville were hiding from the monsterous lightning cloud approaching them. Little Jonny Harrison, however, was not afraid. This boy had been bullied from the ripe young age of about 14 months by his closest friend, Uncle Oliver, who happens to be a Catholic Priest. Jonny wanted to face the storm, with 6 years behind him, he thought it bizzare that anything worse than Uncle Oliver's magical basement could be brought unto him. He grabbed his supply of Cheese and Onion Quavers, a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Flavoured Ribena, his pretend mobile, a 10ft long metal conductor and his pet grape, "Christopher", and set out for the journey of his life. He told his terminally ill mother that he is going for the adventure of a lifetime, his dad that he wishes him well, and finally, his Grandmother, Rosie Harrison, who has had a severe addiction to meth for almost 25 years now, who has had over 13 interventions and countless attempts at suicide, that he loves her with all of his strong, brave heart, and to hang in there. Little Jonny Harrison takes his first step outside, facing the eye of storm with a little bit of pee in his pants, squeezes his Ribena, slightly squirting it and throwing it heroicly to the drooping wet grass, and screams to the cloud, at the top of his lungs, the words, "I am unstoppable!". Jonny died of HIV induced AIDS and his Uncle was given three to five years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation and consistent domestic abuse and paedophillia. His Grandmother, Rosie, also died later that day.

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Okay, an ambulance is arriving for me (cops called it whatever I am fine) If you are still reading this then get the fuck out before I fire you no more messages.

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What's red, blue, and purple? purple.

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Why little Susie often molested as a child? She was probably a good-looking child.

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A man walks into a bar wearing large and baggy pants. The bartender asks him, "Why the large, baggy pants?" The man replies, "Because they're comfortable."

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Nazi Nazi who? I am the mailman. I nazi your mailbox. Can I leave the letters on the front porch?

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What happened after the man with no arms and legs lost his keys? He called the police.

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Why was the kid mad? Because he died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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