What did the wife get her husband after they had intercourse? A sandwich, because she loved him and knew he was hungry.

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what did the photographer tell the model? You're ugly.

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Dad always said that laughter was the best medicine. Maybe that's why he died of tuberculosis.

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If your riding a jet ski and the wheels fall off Then how many pancakes does it take to Cover a dog house Purple because ice cream doesn't have Any bones

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What's worse than being a replacement? An insufficient replacement.

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how did the family die? They were shot in the head.

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How do you make a tissue dance? You really can't, but you could grab it and shake it around so it looks like its dancing.

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why was sally bleeding? they never buy band-aids over her nubs.

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Covert trance, black Ops, and something I kinda made up myself. The first two are basically using suggestions without the victim being aware of it, that is how that famous bank robber that just asks nicely for all the cash and gets it succeeds. The other is tricking the "allmighty" subconcious and again, my own invention people claim its called "this and that", I know, because I coined most of the terms. Anyway, you put people into a deep state of trance, you tell them to take a step forward into the sea, and well, you actually led them down the top of a skyscraper or something fun... "Now... Suck on the lollipop I have between my, okay ill stop"

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Phil sees a hitchhiker wandering past his car on the sidewalk. He asks Phil if he can take him to his house, and Phil says no, and keeps driving. Six seconds later the hitchhiker is crossing the street in search of somebody else, when he is hit by a bus and dies.

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Why did the black man go to the store? To get milk and eggs because he was running out of those items

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Heheheheh, Good one, you made me laugh, you just made me realize that it was indeed I that said that to you once, and now you are telling me. I know now, I am happy, not because I seek happiness, but because thinking, finding solutions, guiding myself and others, is what makes me happy. I feel like an alien, because my ideals, my solutions hopes and dreams that grow out of a result of my constant thinking, will never be in this world. Yet I also feel human now, because it could have been, humanity could have succeeded...

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There was a man with a job and kids. One day he came home from his job and went to sleep. He never woke up because it turns out he had a heart attack.

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Knock knock. Who's there?

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A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some Chap-stick, and put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because, as all people know, Ducks cannot speak. However, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting a prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chap-stick anyway, since he has no lips.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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An insane individual walks into a bank and asks for $500. The teller refuses since he doesn't have an account, so the individual pulls out a gun and asks the teller again. The teller presses the silent panic button, causing the cops to show up and arrest the gunman, but not before he manages to shoot the teller and the small child standing next two counters over.

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Knock knock Whos there Bill O hey bill

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My son lost his first tooth today...so proud. Took my punch like a champ

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Knock Knock Who's there? Boo To whom is Boo?

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How did the old man feel when he couldn't have sex? Viagravated

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Who lives on 2324 Elm St. River Grove Illinois? And Goes to East Leyden High School? The answer is Ricky Krajewski. He is 16 years old has brown hair and brown eyes. 5'11" 190lbs and 6.5 inch penis(when erect). social security # is 679-78-6283.

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Women's rights

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What's the difference between an X-box and Michael Jackson? One is an inanimate object and the other is a human being.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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