A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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I was walking down the street the other day and I saw this lady and suddenly: POTATOES!!!!!!!!!

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A guy walks up to a girl and says: " hey can I have your number so can I have your text you later?" she says " no" he says " why ?" she says" guess" He says " look if you don't like me thats okay, " he gets up and walks away, turns out she doesn't have a cell phone, she was gonna give him her house number to call.

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Why did the fireman wear red suspenders? To honor his father, Jonathan "Red" Hoffner, who was tragically killed in the line of duty. While attempting to save 3 small children in a trailer park fire, the elder firefighter suffered 3rd degree burns over 80 percent of his body. "Red" was rushed to a local hospital and lingered for several agonizing days. He began to rally but a careless error by a night nurse led to his unfortunate demise. His son was psychologically unable to wear anything but red suspenders every day for the rest of his life - not only because of his father's death but also because it was he who had maliciously set the fire in the first place.

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A blonde girl walks into a hairdressers and asks for a slight trim. She leaves the hairdressers fairly happy with the result although she was unhappy with the price which she later concluded was most likely because of the rising inflation. However overall she felt it had been a successful outing.

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whats worse than god meaner than the devil. the poor have it the rich need it nothing

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Your mama's so fat, she cries daily and regularly questions her purpose in life.

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Why did they call the woman crazy? because she drowned her children in a lake.

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VAL SUCKS

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How did Clumsy Clearance eat shit? He was in the Human Centipede.

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Why did the little girl fall off her bike? Because she had leprosy and had to have her legs and arms amputated

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why did the goat go up the ladder? because its ladder goat

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- Do you want to hear a joke? - No. - Ok.

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What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? Still a pilot.

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What do you call a Serbian-Australian man with no arms, no legs, and two feet. Nick Vujicic

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Dani Barton is a stupid GIRL

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Q. what has one million arms and tells it to people A.a liar

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What did the teacher say to the kid who got a 0 on a multiple choice spelling test? Wow your really dumb. Idiot

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It heard you like to choke the chicken.

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I bet you read this. Told ya.

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what has two legs and is red all over a fireman doing his job

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why did the plane crash the pilot was a loaf of bread

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whats a porn stars favorite number? 69...

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Colon Right Parentheses For all of the confused people out there that's :)

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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