How do you torture Helen Keller? You put her on a table and slowly pull her limbs off

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Excuse me, I have a shitload of stuff to do, so you are Eliza huh? I thought that was just one person conveying something to someone. Anyway, what is your name? My name is actually Nero, but you do not strike me as an Eliza, first name is more than enough. You know, if you dare, Ill be back shortly, I was gonna shower but then again, I haven't moved at all today, so yeah. Saved you? I have never saved anyone well, excuse me then, see you around, worry less about people bothering with us chatting, hell they might risk learning something (not a chance, people here are fucking jackasses, with one exception, and I do not mean me this time).

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Roses are red Violets are blue Plants are green because of the high levels of mitochondria in their cells.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? ........ It turns out it was Helen Keller.

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Ed Milliband looks like an amphibian.

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Why did the boy throw the clock out of the window? Because it was broken.

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Why didn't Debbie go to the theme park with the rest of her family? Because she died the week before.

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Why did the bud driver drop his ice cream? Because he hit a boy.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's wife? No. Oh don't worry then.

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Why was i said when 4 black people in a cadillac fell over a cliff. The car blew up...

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How do you make a plumber sad? You kill his family.

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what does a black person and an elephant have in common? what? they are both living beings who have their place in the world.

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What's the difference between a Jewish child and pizza? Pizza does not scream in the oven.

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How do you get your mom off a clown? hit your mom with an axe

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Ross Tumilty is gay 8===D

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What does a black man love more than anything? His family you racist c u n t.

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What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy? Gangrape

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Girl: That's pretty big. Boy: That's what she said. Woman: Yes, I enjoys large genitals.

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Penis.

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What did John's girlfriend get him for their 5 year anniversary? Proactive because his acne bothers her.

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Your mom is such a slut that your dad didn't even ask her if you were his biological child and raised you as if you were, regardless of what the dna results may suggest.

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What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is plastic and dangerous to children. The other holds groceries.

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Trust me, you are that kind of girl, and no, you are not nerdy, you are open and down to ground, while your beautiful exterior means a lot to me (I am a man, its the way I am), I would never have wanted to talk to you or even less visit you with a pack (make it five packs) of condoms, if you where the awkward Asperger kind of gal, so how old are you, like seriously?

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A priest, a rabbi, and a monk are standing near a cliff. They say that they are of the best religion. The priest jumps off the cliff and says "God save me", he dies. The rabbi says "Allah save me", he dies. The monk says "Buddha save me" he is saved, in relief he says "Oh thank God" he dies

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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