whats your budget like? a budget.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What did Goldilocks ask the Three Bears? Nothing, bears are aggressive mammals and killed her before she could speak.

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Why did the man have an extremely large nose? It just so happens that both his father and mother had large noses as well and nature took it's course.

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Why did the man reach for his gun? Because he wanted to kill someone.

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What's worse than 9/11? a dipped glass of milk

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Womens rights

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Why did the Polish man cross the road? Because the doctors was across the road, and he had a doctor appointment in five minutes time.

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Why couldn't the colorblind boy play Twister with his friends? He was a quadriplegic.

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how come timmy didnt brush his teeth he didnt have a toothbrush

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Why don't people say YOLO anymore? They all died in car crashes while texting and driving.

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What do you call a fish without an eye? Impaired of vision.

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It's the police sir. There's been an accident.

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'Dyslexic man walks into a bar... and orders a pint

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What happened when the man lost his sandwich? He couldnt eat.

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A blind man walks in a bar I mean like a metal bar But it didn't hurt He only laught

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69

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Roses are red Violets are blue Sugar is sweet And so are you BUT The roses are wilting The violets are dead The sugar bowl's empty And so is your head

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Q) What did the Hobo get for Xmas? A) Nothing

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a black man and his girlfriend are in a car, who is driving? the cop

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Guess what? AIDS!

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. Except when I said muffins I meant Jews. .. I guess it really isn't that funny anymore.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding an apple in your worm.

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A woman wearing a very fancy, striped sweater walks into a bar and sits down. The bar tender asks her “what’ll it be”?. The girl replies “Just a beer for me”. As this happens a child in Africa dies from complications due to starvation.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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