How do you get an alien baby to sleep? Well, first you need to get an alien baby.

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How do you make a businessman cry? Shoot him in the kneecaps.

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Want to hear a joke? Unequal rights.

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who ate all the food in zimbabwe? Nick bigg.. he later died of cancer and aids

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I'm attracted to you like the earth is attracted to the sun. With a force that is inversely proportional to the distance squared.

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What happens when you drop a baby? It falls.

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why did the 42 inch plasma screen blow-up 6 hours before the england match ? because it knows .

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Knock Knock, Ow my face

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Knock knock. Who's there? John. John who? John Smith.

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Why couldn't the dwarf mother reach for the top shelf? Her height was at a mini-mum.

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what is the difference between a black person and a little boy with autism .... the boy with autism is smarter with more education than the black person

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Why is black people's skin darker? Africa

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Henry VIII: I need another wife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thomas Wolsey: All right then. How about my nan? Henry VII: I'm dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :~D

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An owl and a squirrel watch a farmer walk by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing because owls are not capable of human speech. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey.

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how do you get your son or daughters attention? break down the door to their room and promptly begin beating them with a wooden baseball and then tie them up to a chair and torture them for 24 hours.

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death drives to the bus stop where 3 pensioners are waiting for a bus to london, and says GET IN THE VAN!

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Yeah, it makes sense if you think about it, I changed my alias back and forth from Axel Knight, to Axel White, first because Axel White sounded not only as a opposite to Nero, but also because it sounded like something a Nazi leader would call himself, we went renegade and used that in order to draw in and bust a lot of Neo Nazi`s with enough money and bad intentions to make bad stuff happen. But thats another story, I heard about an Axel Knight partaking in Point Zero, had I known you where the leader (I hope you are being honest friend) I would have warned you much sooner, but there was no way for me to know if you where working together... Since you literally where.

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What happens when you give a Jew an iPhone? He says thank you and gives you a hug.

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Q. What is a similarly between Jewa and Pizza. A. There both baked in a over

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When I'm through with you... They will never find your body... And even if they did... All they find would be teeth!!!

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A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

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roses are red violets are too im bleeding

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knock knock. whos there? the IRS you have recently filed for bankruptcy and we are repossessing your house.

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Two fish are in a tank. The first one says, "How the heck do I drive this thing!".

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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