What did a policeman say to his belly? Nothing. Because he knows his belly is incapable of speech.

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What did the fat man say when he was offered infinite french fries for life? Yes.

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My son lost his first tooth today...so proud. Took my punch like a champ

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What did the black college graduate say to the Jewish high school dropout? Do you want me to also clean your fourth floor executive bathroom, Mr. Bernstein?

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How do you make a tissue dance? You really can't, but you could grab it and shake it around so it looks like its dancing.

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Your mom's so fat, I tried to rape her but couldn't find her p**** and gave up. Instead I decided to take her out to dinner. We enjoyed a lovely meal and I spent the rest of the night trimming her fat with a vegetable peeler while she screamed and bled all over the floor.

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so a blind man walks into a bar, then a chair, then a table.

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One Direction???? Gifted singers???? HA HA HA

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I'm getting tired of nazi jokes. ANNE FRANKly I'm quite offended

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What did Grandma give little Ben for Christmas? a wheelchair

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There are two muffins in a oven, the first muffin is chocolate chip and the second muffin is blueberry.

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What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the car? Get in the car.

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Women's rights

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Listen pretty lady, NO WHAT WE HAVE BEEN DOING FOR LIKE SIXTEEN HOURS OR SOMETHING NON STOP STRAIGHT, IS VERBOTEN! Honestly, for me its a bit of a requirement, sure girls can go all like "But you are like friendzoned to me now", but then I... Hmm, you know, not a womanizer,my wife has the right word for it, I am a seducer.... Suddenly I do not like the sound of that, actually Its not a bit of a requirement, it is TOTALLY a requirement. Say, does it bother you when I mention my wife like at randomness?

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Whats white and blue and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? a fridge in a denim jacket :D

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Why did Jimmy throw butter out the window? Because he had down syndrome

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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? It was a cold day

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It has been this way for two days now. Whenever he looks over his shoulder and past his wing, he can see them there. Following him. The men with the red eyes. He doesn't know what they want and doesn't want to find out. He crosses that road as he has crossed so many others recently, squawking and shuffling along on his stubby legs, darting through traffic in a risky effort to shake them off of his tailfeathers. He gets to the other side and ascends the curb, walking beak-first into a pair of legs hidden beneath a grey robe. He looks up and sees a pair of eyes like burning coals staring down at him from within the darkness of a hood. He tries to run, but it is too late. He has been taken. His wings and fingers are forfeit.

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What's worse than accidentally flooding your bathroom? A Tsunami

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Question: You are in a bed between a hot chick and a gay guy, who do you turn your back to? Answer: False, I am to unattractive to find myself in bed with anybody else.

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Girl: How do I know if I'm Jewish? Guy: Are you Jewish? Girl: No. Guy: There ya go.

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What is worst than your girlfriend's mother?? Osama Bin Laden's One

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Jerry.

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Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? Because he has no arms.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops