Who keeps his best friend in a gun rack? a red neck.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I am Jack Bauer, Where is the nuke?

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Q: Why is little Timmy living without his parents? A: He is ninety seven years old!

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A man attempts to sign in to PlayStation Network... And succeeds, proceeding to enjoy the console's numerous award winning exclusive titles such as LittleBigPlanet and Uncharted 2, along with utilizing the system's Blu Ray capabilities and playing with his friends online in an absolutely free network, on what many consider to be the superior console to the Xbox 360.

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How do you make your friends more positive ? Infect them with HIV.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Seven was pursuing his dream of becoming the world's best circus clown, which six developed a fear of in a tragic circus accident which occured in his childhood. Therefore, six was afraid of seven.

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Jesus, Mohammed, and Moses walk into a bar and sit down at a table. They glare at each other for a moment before turning to watch the baseball game. They support opposing teams.

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What do you call an underground train full of professors? It's very unlikely that the passengers on an underground train would consist entirely of professors, unless it was a special service booked solely for the attendees of highly specialised lectures which required each audience member to have completed a professorship.

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What has 4 legs and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you a pool table

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So tell me what’s worse than a baby? A dead baby… Well then what’s worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies… And what’s worse than a pile of dead babies? A live baby sitting on top of a pile of dead babies… And what’s worse than a live baby sitting on top of a pile of dead babies? A live baby eating it’s way out of a pile of dead babies…

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A blonde boards a plane and sits in first class. Another passenger sees the blonde in his seat and tells her she's in the wrong seat. "I'm not moving!" says the blonde. The passenger calls over the flight attendant. "Ma'am, you're supposed to be seated in economy class," says the flight attendant. "Please come with me." "No! I'm not moving!" The flight attendant informs the pilot. The pilot comes out, whispers in the blonde's ear, and then the two have wild sex, right in the open. Oh my God, you should have been there. She had the most incredible rack ever!!!

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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doctor: hey u ready to get home person: yea doctor: that sucks cause u have cancer

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roses are red viloites are sour open your legs and give me an hour

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Q: whats worse than ten babies in one trash can A: one baby in ten trash cans

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A Fat Kenyan

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A car walked into a bar... wait no it didn't it has wheels.

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9/11

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What is similar to an orange?? A tangerine.

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Do you think the death man heard the one about, oh wait I bet he didn't

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whats the best joke ever? womens rights

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2 brothers were arguing, both had anger problems to the point where one started war with the other. Boy1: I HATE YOU Boy2: MOM HATES YOU Boy1: ....Wait why? Boy2: YOU WERE AN ACCIDENT SHE TRIED TO SELL YOU TO A MEXICAN AND HE SAID THAT THING WAY TOO DAM UGLEH ITD BURN THE FACES OFF MY COWS.

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Why did the black homeowner declare bankruptcy on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by continuing to pay his mortgage bills.

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Why did one sausage become scared of the other sausage? The first Sausage said " Hello " and the second Sausage said " OMG a talking sausage!!!" ...Jk sausages dont talk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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