knock knock? who's there? a guy..... so the man open's the door and the guy clutching a knife stabs repeatedly at his chest killing him and drags his body down into his cellar locking him away from the open world. by Mad James

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Did you hear about the guy that lost the whole left side of his body? Well, he's all right.

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An airplane has 100 bricks on-board. If you drop one brick, how many bricks would be left? 99 -------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you put a giraffe inside a refrigerator? Open the refrigerator, put the giraffe inside, close the refrigerator. -------------------------------------------------------------------- How do you put an elephant inside a refrigerator? Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put the elephant inside, close the refrigerator. -------------------------------------------------------------------- The Lion King gathered all the animals from the land to a meeting. Everyone came, except one. Who was the animal? The elephant. He's still inside the refrigerator. ------------------------------------------------------------------- You want to cross a river, but you know that there are crocodiles there. There is no bridge, vines to swing from, etc. How do you cross the river? Swim across the river. The crocodiles are at the meeting with The Lion King. ------------------------------------------------------------------- So you swimmed over the river, but how did you still die? You were hit by the brick falling from the airplane.

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Why did the boy fail his test? Because he got shot before he could even study.

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Why did the father smash his sons head into the dentist's building? Because he had a locker in his mouth. Also, equestrian.

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A rabbi and a nun walk into a bar. They grab a drink and really hit it off despite their differences. After a couple years of happy dating, the rabbi, Mark, preposes. Gloria, the nun, gladly accepts. After four months, Gloria is pregnant. She dies in childbirth. The child has many illneses and dies within a week. Mark commits suicide.

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What did the tomato say to the ketchup? Nothing both vegetables and condiments are inanimate objects, therefore cannot speak

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Whats the definition of not winning? Charlie sheen losing custody of his son because he is a coked out, old man douche bag, who only gets told what he wants to hear because he forks out lots of money to gold digging hookers.

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I accidentally solicited a prostitute today. I was driving in an iffy neighborhood and saw a woman on the sidewalk, so I stopped to ask if she could give me directions. She must have misheard me.

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What did the man do when he found a lost dog in his yard? He shot it. This was a very old, lonely, and distressed man with many unresolved problems resulting from his childhood in poverty.

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Why did the boy go to the hospital? He didn't. Unfortunately the gunshot wound severely injured the boy and he was unable to be revived in time to survive.

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What did Pikachu say to Charmander? Nothing. Pokemon are fictional creatures, and thus, do not exist.

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Horse walks into a bar... Bartender says It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

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What's worse than finding an apple in your wo- wait, what?!

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What do tigers dream of when they take a tiger snooze? Mike Tyson

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Everyone is equal. It doesn't matter if you're black, red, yellow, brown, or normal.

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who dosent like to wear shirts and is not straight Petko Manchev

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I walk into a bar...

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A termite walks into the pub and says "Is the bar tender here?"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was in the designated crosswalk area and there was no oncoming traffic.

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Human: Are you a frayed knot? Frayed knot: I'm afraid so.

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Why did the little girl drop her school books? A kid jacked her in the head with a brick.

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Q: What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? A: His name.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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