What's black and white and red all over A bloody penguin

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IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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A blind man walked into a bar and got a beer and got drunk and went on a rampage and killed YOUR MOM

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What is the similarity between fake rings and your mother? They change colors in the shower

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How do you confuse a blonde? Hit her over the head with a baseball bat until she has concussion

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Why are Jews always so clean? Because they never come out of the shower.

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I grunt when I poop.

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whats worse than falling off of your bike? thats as bad as it gets,try to think of something else

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What has two legs and is red all over? Half a cat

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how do you make a plumber cry A: kill his family

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you had me at "hello", no need to add "you're under arrest"

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Why did the guy get glasses? So he could get his dick into the vagina.

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What word is always spelled wrongly? None of them. Every word has been spelled right at some point.

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how do you know when you're a man? massive erection.

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What do you call a sheep? something to have sex with.

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Why did the girl kill herself? Because she was brutally raped

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So 2 apples are having sex, and one apple sais to the other, I got worms.

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What kind of pizza did the world trade center order? Two cheese pizzas.

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What's even worse than getting a parking ticket on your birthday? Child molestation.

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"Guess what I was doing in my room last night with the door closed with my hand?" "Please don't say what I think you're going to say" "What? I was just cleaning my room."

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who is an indian that can not shoot a bow and arrow? David

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this kid named terry stockton thought it was funny to get someone in the ankle lace then the kid got up and pucnched him in the face so hard he had a seizure

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42, that is all

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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