Roses are red, Violets are blue, come at me again and I'll punch you

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A man wakes up after a long night with a girl he recently met. He pulls out a cigarette, and looks for his lighter, but can not find it. He asks the girl if she has a lighter and she replies "There might be some matches in the top drawer of my dresser." He opens the top drawer and finds some matches.

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Wha did the fireman say when he burnt his finger? Shit.

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One game a Packers Player scored a touchdown and jumped into the stands. When everybody was touching him one girl put her hand on the inside of his thigh. He told the girl " If your hand goes a little higher you'll feel my touchdown spike."

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what happened to the baseball player who couldnt throw? he was very unsuccessful, as throwing is the most important skill of the game

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What happens when you wake a sleepwalker? Waking sleepwalkers does not harm them. While it is true that a person may be confused or disoriented for a short time after awakening, this does not cause them further harm. In contrast, sleepwalkers may injure themselves if they trip over objects or lose their balance while sleepwalking. Such injuries are common among sleepwalkers.

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What's the difference between a bicycle? An orange because it has no sleeves.

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your mama so fat she has a low self esteem

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Husband: Take the f out of way. Wife: There's no f in way! Husband: You just swore

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He actaully never did. He only made it half way before a cop issued him with an infringement notice for jaywalking.

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A blind man walks in a bar I mean like a metal bar But it didn't hurt He only laught

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Why don't people say YOLO anymore? They all died in car crashes while texting and driving.

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What does a horse and a donkey have in common? They are both very different from trees

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how do people without arms and legs have sex? no one has sex with people without arms and legs.

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Yo mamma is so fat She has to wear big pants and is easily fatigued.

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A man buys a kitten from the store. He gets home, takes it out of its cage, and realizes that it wasn't the kitten he wanted. He then returns to the store and exchanges for the kitten he originally wanted, but then decides to keep both because he is feeling particularly hungry.

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A woman wearing a very fancy, striped sweater walks into a bar and sits down. The bar tender asks her “what’ll it be”?. The girl replies “Just a beer for me”. As this happens a child in Africa dies from complications due to starvation.

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If Johnny can hold 7 bottles of Vodka in one hand and 6 cans of beer in the other, what does Johnny have? A drinking problem.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I can't really remember the reason, it was about 5 years ago and a lot of things have happened since.

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A catholic priest gets a nun pregnant. He drowns the baby several months later.

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What does Santa Claus keep in his gardening shed? Nothing. Santa Claus isn't real.

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whats the one about not giving a crap? oh yea this one

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why did the boy trip off a cliff? because he was clumsy.

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a Polar bear in an Igloo.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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