Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he had poor coordination.

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A: Knock Knock. B:Whose there? A:Jehovah witness!

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Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag? A. One is white, plastic and dangerous to young children, the other is a plastic bag.

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How do you make a baby be quiet when it is crying? slowly choke it to death

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*Knock Knock* "Who's There?" "Delivery" "Oh right, I just ordered pizza"

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Why do we learn about the Civil Rights Movement in History class? So it won't happen again.

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Why aren't elephants allowed in public pools? Because they are elephants.

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Whats the difference between a black an white guy? They have different skin tones

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You know what really grinds my gears? Insufficient lubricant.

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If an asian man is really angry with a jewish man named gabriel what does he say? Gabriel I am angry with you

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Why did the chicken cross the road? We will never know. Chickens are incapable of communicating with humans and thus the intent of the chicken can only be speculated.

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What do you call it when a Priest, a Rabbi, and a Vicar meet for a drink at the bar? A social gathering.

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Why was Little Billy crying? He had an axe embedded in his chest.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The police. Dave then complied, opened the door and let the police search his house. He was then found innocent of drug related charges.

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Yo mama is so nasty she won't take a shower till she is dead you idiot says the boy she won't die she has twenty thousand live

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What's worse than the Holocaust? Nothing, shit went down so bad.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven kind of looked like an alligator.

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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Why did Helen Keller always ride in the passenger seat? so she could SUCK THE DRIVERS D!CK!!!!!!!!!

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Knock Knock! Whos There? Little boy blew! Little boy blew who? Micheal Jackson....

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A 65 year old man is tired with his life. He begins to realize that it is meaningless to him. He wants no part in the world anymore so he decided to commit suicide. On his way to commit suicide, he comes across a magical man that has an extraordinary offer. This magical man has offered to grant the 65 year old man the power to fly. The 65 year old man, accepts the offer in great interest, but the magical man wants something in return for his deed. The 65 year old man, offers all the money in his wallet to the magical man. The magical man accepts his offer of all the money and continues. With a flick of the wrist, the magical man says, "fly, fly, high as the sky, i grant this man the ability to fly". The 65 year old man is greatly excited now that he has the ability to fly. He cant wait to try out his new power. He runs to the nearest cliff and jumps. Too bad the "magical man" was really a male prostitute that was broke and homeless. The 65 year old man died on impact and the male prostitue walked away with a wallet full of cash.

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What did the polar bear say when he walked into a sauna? Absolutely nothing because he was a polar bear. I mean seriously, did I even have to ask? Everyone should know that a polar bear is an animal and he wouldn't say anything. If he did it would most likely be a growl or a roar. If you believed that he would have said something you obviously didn't pass the first grade. I finish with the fact that a polar bear would not survive in a sauna because they are accustomed to cold climate. I guess this was just a waste of time.

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What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

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I believe if Floyd Mayweather fought Muhammad Ali I believe it would be a close fight but Floyd would win. Because Ali has Parkinson's

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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