How do you make time fly? You throw a clock out a window.

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What did the boy eat for dinner? Shit.

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What is similar about a goose and newly weds? They both aren't chairs

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Whats is worse than a dog bite? A shark bite. Whats worse than a shark bite? The Holocaust.

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How do you stop a bus? Throw small children in front of it. Except that didn't work for the boy. He also lost his ice cream.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to, like any other chicken

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A cat ran into the road...I hit it

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A Jew walks into an expensive Hotel and orders 500 dollars worth of wine.

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I meant to state that I threatened to kill him unless he refused to state that I broke his knees (and broke his wrists, I forgot to mention that too, such misery... ...Give a real man a chance here, its not every day I have to kill my mother... But you still wont hear me whining about it, asked my wife if she forgave me if I spent the rest of the day smirking, after all my mother "had visions" where my wife was Satan, which is fun, since I was also Satan the day I was born... Because my name is Nero... A NAME SHE GAVE ME! Still, not very dignifying getting the shit beat out that old hag because she was on some blend of angel dust, and still not so fun killing her by biting half her neck off... ...Literally not so fun, kinda fun? You bet, tasted disgusting, watching her choke to death was...Lets just say I have shared enough joy with you for one day.

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What's the easiest way to load dead babies into a tractor trailer? Pitchfork.

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What did the doctor say to the minority, parapalegic after he barely escaped a fire alive? You just got burned!!

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Psychics.

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Why was the fat kid the last one to lunch? He'd had lead bricks stapled to his ankles by the skinny kids.

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Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, I Can't Sing, Or Ryhme

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Why was the cookie sad? It had just been eaten and is currently disintegrating in the hydrochloric acid of someones stomach.

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How many alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb? To get to the other side

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What's white, black, red, and flies? An airplane pilot with a battleaxe driven into his head

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead

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guy walks into a bar.... Ouch.

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Ask me if im a tree. Are you a tree? No

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Cause he was a chicken.

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What has two legs and is red all over? Half a cat.

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What do you call a person with no arms or legs rolling around in leaves? I don't know that seems like a highly improbable situation

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Two girls were taken away mysteriously in the night. The next day, no one cared because they were orphans.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops