your mother is so fat that her doctor advised her to stick to a strict diet and exercise routine to help her lose weight

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A man walks into his local store, he gets a basket and get a tin of beans, an apple, some kitchen rolls a bag of potatoes and an 8 pack of sausages. He walks to the checkout and the lady working asks him ''Are you single?'' He replies ''Yes, i am actually, how did you know?'' The lady then says ''Because your Ugly as Sin''

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A patient goes to the doctor. The doctor says I have bad news and even worse news. The patient says "What's the bad news?" The doctor says "You only have 24 hours to live." The patient says "Oh my gosh what could possibly be worse than that?!" The doctor says "Well...we've been trying to contact you since yesterday..."

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What do you call a dear with no eyes? no eyed dear what do you call a dear with no head? dead!

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Are you trolling with me? I mean how can you know where I live if you have not even picked up the phone yet? Listen, if you wanted to make me upset, you did it okay? You won, I like you a lot and I would never do such a thing. I understand you being upset Nero, I am so sorry, I never meant nor wanted for this to happen, I hope you can forgive me someday.

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What's the difference between 31 dead hookers and a Lamborghini? One is a traumatizing tragedy that left at least 31 poor families mourning for their loved ones, whom were only trying to make a living in what is a terrible economy and were unable find a better job, and the other is an overpriced sports car.

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What happened to the baby bird? It fell out the nest

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What do a plum and a rabbit have in common? They are both purple except for the rabbit.

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What did the leper say to the prostitute? "How much?! No thanks, I think I'll shop around."

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Yo mammals so stupid, she's got AIDS!

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What do you do when a taco eater gives you guacamole? Thank him, and politely smash it in the face of the nearest trashy tourist.

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Erectile Dysfunction.

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Why did the cat cross the road? he wanted to be a docter.

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oooh look a banshee

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A Priest, a Rabbi and an Imam were having dinner together at a local restaurant. Which caused a group of Republicans sitting nearby to ask for another table.

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Q: how do you drown a blond A: put a mirror at the bottom of a pool

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What did the Jew say to the German? He said hello.

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how do you stop a speeding car? Put your foot on the brake

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Why did Sally fall off the swingset? she had no arms... Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sally

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your mother is so fat that she bought a treadmill and uses it daily. she already lost 20 lbs.

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Justin Beiber

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What do you call a magic owl? HOO-DINI!

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What did the orphan get christmas? CANCER

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What did the doctor say to the pregnant mother? Your babies dead

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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