What happened when a saxophone hit Sally? She had a concussion.

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A: I've got a new knock knock jokes! Wanna hear it? B: Yeah. A: Oh you first. B: Knock knock! A: Who's there?

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A rabbit hops into a bar and sits on a stool, he then asks for a carrot, the barman didn't have a clue what he said because it was a rabbit so gives him a carrot to be generous. The bar door slams open and animal control put him in a cage and take him away. The moral of the story is that you should never let rabbits in your bar.

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MAKE

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how do you make a little girl cry?? Kill her family

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What did the Carbon atom say to the Oxygen atom? Nothing, basic elements are incapable of speech. It requires a culmination of many atoms to form a living human capable of speaking to another human.

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A man sees another man standing at the edge of a tall bridge looking down. Man: Don't jump! No one wants you to die. You have your whole life to live and I'm sure you will find happiness somewhere. I was once in the same position as you, questioning if god really wanted me on this earth at all. But I decided to make something of myself and now I am a very successful busness man. You can do the same if you just put your mind to it and put your troubles behind you. Other man: I was just admiring the view.

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Uh no, yogurt as in the bacteria that they add to milk in order to make the finished product yogurt. You see, while the effect is seen in twins (for example if one twin gets raped, the other gets a fucking sore ass) Sorry, I am still under trance here myself, you get out of it, I am gonna have some fun, go splash some water on your face. I mean people go like "woah that is impossible it only happens in rare cases and so on right?" Fun stuff: Yogurt, you can seal yogurt in a steel container miles away after separating its culture (basically having a colony living together and then moving them away from each other as in 30000 kilometers and sealing them in soundproof safe`s and whatnot. Feed one half of the yogurt, and the other one far far away begins munching into thin air, now keep the food close to the yogurt, and the bacteria will begin "begging for it" (as in when baby chicks notice the parent has arrived with food), and so will the culture of yogurt sealed in a safe 30000 miles away. Why? Living in similar states, brings a natural connection, we are attracted to similarities, and as far as the human knowledge of the LAW of attraction goes, distance is not a factor, look it up, or just believe me.

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I wrote a joke for 'Anti-Joke', I laughed, it was funny.

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three jews walk into a bar. then a bear mauls them.

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what do you do when your girlfriend gives you head while playing MW3? continue to play while politely asking her sister to make you a sandwhich

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What did one Stoner say to the other? "I'm hungry, let's order pizza."

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Why should people with Alzheimer's not tell jokes? To get to the other side.

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Why did the lion eat food Because seaweed is green

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What would you call Kenny Dalgleish if he was black? Depends on the situation. In a formal environment you would call him Mr Dalgleish, in an informal one it would be acceptable to call him Kenny, Kenneth or just Ken.

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How do you get a one handed man out of a tree Wave

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What's brown and adhesive? A stick

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Why did the black guy seem so black next to a white guy? Because he had more melanin in his skin

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what did the orange say to the other orange? we are both oranges.

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why was the man scared of the tree because it was shady

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How do you make a black plumber cry? - kill his whole family

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What's worse than being forced to drink your own urine and eat a disabled kids poop? James Holmes (Ironic that the text I had to type in to post this was "I'M BATMAN".)

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What us black and white and read all over The newspaper

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It's raining it's poring the old man died die to a sudden increase in blood pressure thus leading to a heart attack

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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