What is pretty, has big tits, talks like a guy, and has a dick? Your mom giving me a handjob.

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What's worse than a cow on the ceiling? - two cows on the ceiling.

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What did the Carbon atom say to the Oxygen atom? Nothing, basic elements are incapable of speech. It requires a culmination of many atoms to form a living human capable of speaking to another human.

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Even better if I am not here in an hour, lets make it two huh?, I was thinking about you, sleep is well, not something I prioritize well enough at all, probably why I am so adrenaline crazy.

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What did the blind man say to the bartender? Nothing, I forgot to mention he's also mute and has no legs.

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a guy walks into another tall man knowing that he has something weird in his mouth. he pulls out a fly, apologizes for running into him and promptly walks to his small appartment to brush his teeth. the next day a fridge hits him in the face and he spontaneously combusts. he was never seen again.

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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What happens when a right turn is finally made in NASCAR? The driver has successfully changed his tires and has been refueled, now he is pulling out of pit lane.

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I was bitter, nonetheleast because you and I became friends, while someone working for you (at that time it might just as well had been you) was conducting a lot of illegal activities. I kept thinking, why does the guy call himself "the wizard", its the most used name... Why? Because it is the most used name, good luck finding "THE WIZARD" among internet nerds, but then again, if you search for the most famous one, you find "THE MAN", Not only did you tell me at first that you where Nero. Which I can prove you are not, but you know, one side of me was your friend, the other knew I would have to get rid of you no matter the cost, if you kept your activities. SImply put: When I enjoyed our time together, I pushed you away with stupid humor, small insults and etc, mostly in order to protect myself from getting to close with a potential threat for well, security, lets keep it at that.

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An overzealous adventurer takes a trip to the Congo in Central Africa. While exploring the dense jungles, he accidentally drinks water that is contaminated with a very rare virus. He lives through the pain of the virus for many years. About 10 years after his trip to Africa, researchers discover a cure for the adventurer's virus. He goes to the clinic to get his shot to kill the virus. Exhilarated, the now cured adventurer runs out of the clinic but fails to look both ways while crossing the street and gets hit by and ambulance and dies.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf."

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Roses are red Violets are blue Tulips are white Daisies are yellow Why am I naming flower colours?

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Youre mom is so dead...

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What do you find in a pile of dead babies? ************************************************ A dead baby.

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HAVE A GOOD DAY. DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

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So a Jewish Family wakes into a German Pizzeria. They were very satisfied with the service and ended up tipping the waiter 20%

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What happens when you drop a baby? It falls.

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Why did the kid eat his homework because the teacher said it was a piece of cake

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Why was the truck making noises? It was backing up.

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What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? I take off my shoes when i jump on a trampoline.

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What's pink and shaped like a V? A pink V.

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how do you keep a bunch of black kids from jumping on the bed? your real firm with them and tell them someone may hurt themselves if they don't stop with the horseplay..

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why did the chicken cross the road? he didn't make it

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2 nuns in the bath, One says "wears the soap" the other says "Over there, next to the shampoo"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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