Kindness is like peeing in your pants, Everyone can see the results, but only You can feel the warmth

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What do you get if you mix a baby with a blender? A prison sentence.

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Q. Why can’t a Skeleton Lift Weights? A. He’s all bone & no muscle.

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Why did Bob fall off the swim? He had no arms or legs.

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This is my favorite antijoke.

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A seal walks into a club.

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Math Problem: John has 32 candy bars. He eats 28 of them. What does he have now? Diabetes. John has diabetes.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Sheriff Sheriff who? Sheriff Robinson your husband has died in a local car accident.

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a man walks into a casino, it's the third time this week and he's contemplating suicide.

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roses are red violets are blue get down your trousers cause im waiting for you

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a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar they are good friends and enjoy alcoholic beverages.

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A man drives home from a bar one night, He is under the influence and his reckless driving will costs many innocent people their lives.

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why did the mexican cross the road? To get into America. Why did the chicken cross the road? It was on its way to warn everyone that the sky was falling Why did the horse go to the other side of the field? He liked green grass. Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? cause he's Chuck Norris. What do you call a man who gets a check in the mail every month for doing nothing? A black man

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What is worse than blue balls for a guy? Depending on the girl, absolutely nothing. Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

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A elderly man was driving down the freeway when he got a call from his wife. He answered the phone and his wife said "Be careful dear, I just heard on the news that someone is driving the wrong way on the freeway." The wife then heard a loud crash over the phone as the drunk driver going the wrong way slammed head on into her husbands car, killing them both intstantly.

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Whats the difference between a dead baby and a porsche? i don't have i dead baby in my garage. That would be wrong

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When u r using ur computer and then all the sudden it says reload and something about an error blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah .. ......blah blah blah. Blah blah. Your response: "AWWWWW BITCH ASS FUCK U"......*LEAVES ROOM*..... (HOUR LATER)*COMES BACK IN THE ROOM* "Oh hey, Meet my bff she is from your version of Hell her name is , Vir-is (virus) anyways Vir-is wanted to have sex with u and probably give u a USB Transmitted Disease A.K.A. virus then wwhile u r rebooting Vir-is and I is gonna kill u Toodles

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In the middle of a long flight from Heathrow to Chicago O'Hare, the passengers of a 747 watched the engines all suddenly flame out. "Now, folks," the captain said over the PA as the plane plummeted to the earth, "I want it on record that I said it in plain English: a 747 can't fly from Heathrow to Chicago without refueling." No one bothered writing it down.

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How many Spanish people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Uno

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How can you tell if a substance is an acid or a base just by looking at it? You can't. pH or Litmus paper would be necessary in order to determine whether a substance is an acid or a base.

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knock knock Who's there Rick Rick who Your wife's boss she got into an on the job accident and will never walk again... I'm sorry but your insurance doesn't cover the injury.

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What happens every 5 seconds? An African kid dies.

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Q: Whats the longest book in the library A: Understanding Women

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If you come to Anti-Joke.com to look at the Newest jokes please leave a comment. Thank you!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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