Why couldn't the dead man take a shit? He was severely constipated

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Once upon a time, there was a boy. He was 12 years old. He is dad was rich from his business and so when it came time for his 12 year old boy to turn 13 he insisted on buying the boy whatever he wanted. He thought that the imagination of a 12 year old boy might in fact humour him, even if the cost of such a present reached the millions. He asked his son "Son, a very special day's coming up", his son smirked "I know Dad". "Well, what would you like?" asked the Dad. His son pondered for several seconds before replying, "honestly Dad, all I want it 12 Pink Ping Pong balls". The Dad, curious and a little disappointed asked "of course son, but why?". His son replied "I can;t say, I'd just like them for my birthday please". And so on his thirteenth birthday, he indeed received 12 Pink Ping Pong balls. His Dad thought nothing of it until next year, when he asked his son "what would you like for your birthday this year son? A new 82-inch Tv for you toilet, or how about a new jet?". His soon blew the hair out of his eyes and said, "Dad, all I want is room full of Pink Ping Pong balls". His dad again agreed but asked "why Pink Ping Pong balls son?". His son replied "I'll tell you when I get them". True to his word when the boy turned 14, he received a whole room full of Pink Ping Pong balls and his Dad asked him "now why did you want them son". But his son replied "I'll tell you next year". Rather reluctantly his Dad agreed. and then he died.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

"I am proud to be black and I wouldn't want to be any other race." - Not racist. "I am proud to be white and I wouldn't want to be any other race." - Racist and offensive to black people "I am proud to be asian and I wouldn't want to be any other race." - Not racist "I am proud to be Ethiopian and I wouldn't want to be any other race." - Said nobody, ever

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why is sally sad her parents abuse her daily

thumb_up thumb_down +16

why did the chicken cross the road? who cares?

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call a girl with no legs? Disabled.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's worse than the Holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why didn't the boy cross the street? He didn't have legs

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? This joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A young child drops his ice cream and began to cry. Why are you crying asks his mother Because I dropped my ice cream said the child

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why was the boy late for dinner? He got in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A man asks a young boy to get in his van. The kid, being very well-educated tells the man he cannot talk to strangers. So, the man tells the kid he understands, and drives away to another nearby child.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Whats worse than burnt toast? Getting molested

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How did you know it was bedtime at Michael Jackson's house? When his clock's big hand met the little hand, usually at 10 or 11, though sometimes later if he had a concert that night.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did Anne Frank do this weekend? Nothing. she died in the holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the black guy punch the white guy? They were both professional boxers.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm a paranoid schizophrenic And so am I

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? Skeletons can't move.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How do you make a baby cry? Throw a brick at its face.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Yo Mama is so white, people call her caucasian.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How do you get a little kid out of a tree Throw a jar of foreskin at him

thumb_up thumb_down +14

how do you get a blonde to stop following you? file a restraining order.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What was Mozart's favorite vegetable? Aspara-gus.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

There were two smokestacks, a little one and a big one. One day, the little one said to the big one, "I'm tired of being the lesser of two smokestacks!"

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops