Q: What do Magic Johnson and Freddie Mercury have in common? A: Freddie Mercury is dead.

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? It died. Why did the second koala fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first koala. Why did the third koala fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure.

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What did Timmy say when the bus crashed? Nothing, it was a horrible crash, he died like everyone else. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Timmy.

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What is a chair?

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Superman vs Batman real fight: Batman: Hmm I believe that Superman might want to fight m*squish* Batman explodes in a bunch of meat as a blue and red blur is seen fly by. Extended Edition: Batman: Hah Superman I got kryptonite gloves so if you would just stand close to them for about five minute...*squish* Batsack of meat left we see nothing because Superman is FASTER THAN A SPEEDING BULLET. They are probably gonna go like every fucking crossover, first they squabble and throw a few punches for five minutes, then they realize that the LAX LADDER LEX LUGER AND LEX LUTHOR brothers made up some fake story so sups and bts kill each other while they blow up the world, so Btz, and Soup end up beating them up... Moral: "PFF! BATMAN HAS BEATEN UP SUPERMAN AND THE HULK IN THOUSANDS OF SHlTTY NON CANON STORIES!" (In where the one with the Hulk described the hulk to have the instincts and combat skills of a "dumb, animal like confused ape" yes actual quote, Batman punched this confused green ape across a door and kept beating "The Hulk" up as he ran around in "animalistic fear and "rage" receiving random kicks by Batman, then Btz throws some capsule that turns into a fishbowl with no oxygen that chokes The Hulk (supposedly to death) in a few seconds... The Hulk can like hold his breath for YEARS in space, (but you know these lethal fishbowls)

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Obama says: I can throw one 1,000 dollar bill out the window and make one person really happy Michelle says: I can throw ten 100 dollar bills out the window and make ten people really happy The Co-Pilot says: I can throw you both out the window and make 250,000,000 people really happy tee-hee

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Knock Knock Who's there? The police. The police who? Your family have been involved in a fatal accident and we need you to come and identify the bodies.

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Why can't Heller Keller drive? Because she was blind.

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On monday morning the doctor walked into a patient's room, then he walked out after a quick check up.

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What do you call a tub full of water? A bathtub!

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Chuck Norris' balls were so big that he went to the doctor to get them checked on and it was discovered that he had testicular cancer.

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Why did the boy cry when he got circumcised? Because he couldn't fap.

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Knock knock Knock knock Knock knock I have outsimers Wait why am i here?

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42

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Why was the kid picking his nose. Because someone shoved a bomb in it.

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What did the giraffe say to the human? Nothing, but it was trying to alert the human of an oncoming bus.

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If at first you don't succeed, there's a very substantial probability that you failed.

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A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.

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What would happen if nyan cats crashed with eachother? It would be a great impact, and we'd all be sad.

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The Moon Landing.

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You know what rhymes with school? Hell.

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What's the difference between a McDonald's and Michael Jackson? One is a fast FOOD restaurant, while the other likes having sex with little boys.

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Why did little Timmy fall down? Because he was shot in the head.

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What happened to the soccer player when he got kicked in the leg..... He cried on the ground for hours even though there is padding there

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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