Math teacher: I have 5 bottles in one hand, and 6 in the other. What do I have? Student: A drinking problem. _._._

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a convicted rapist.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Roses are red, Violets are purple not f**cking blue!

thumb_up thumb_down +39

What do you call a deer with no eyes? The victim of a freak genetic mutation and extremely susceptible to predators, meaning it will live a short life in the wilderness.

thumb_up thumb_down +39

Why didn't the Baby wake up? Because it was dead

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Knock Knock. Come in.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A boy walks into a bar. Because he was under-age, security kicked him out as soon as possible and alerted his parents.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Those who can't teach... Aren't teachers.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

If you were expecting an antijoke you have come to the wrong place however here is a good recipe for a cake: Ingredients 2-1/2 cups 2% milk 1 cup butter, cubed 8 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped 3 eggs 2 teaspoons vanilla extract 2-2/3 cups all-purpose flour 2 cups sugar 1 teaspoon baking soda 1/2 teaspoon salt FILLING: 6 tablespoons butter, cubed 4 ounces bittersweet chocolate, chopped 2-1/2 cups confectioners' sugar 1/2 cup heavy whipping cream GANACHE: 10 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped 2/3 cup heavy whipping cream Directions In a large saucepan, cook the milk, butter and chocolate over low heat until melted. Remove from the heat; let stand for 10 minutes. Preheat oven to 325°. In a large bowl, beat eggs and vanilla; stir in chocolate mixture until smooth. Combine the flour, sugar, baking soda and salt; gradually add to chocolate mixture and mix well (batter will be thin). Transfer to three greased and floured 9-in. round baking pans. Bake 25-30 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes before removing from pans to wire racks to cool completely. For filling, in a small saucepan, melt butter and chocolate. Stir in confectioners' sugar and cream until smooth. For ganache, place chocolate in a small bowl. In a small saucepan, bring cream just to a boil. Pour over chocolate; whisk until smooth. Cool, stirring occasionally, until ganache reaches a spreading consistency. Place one cake layer on a serving plate; spread with half of the filling. Repeat layers. Top with remaining cake layer. Spread ganache over top and sides of cake. Store in the refrigerator. Yield: 16 servings.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

knock knock who's there... you you who who the fuck are you

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What did the homeless man say to bill gates? Nothing he was about to die.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

how do you get a 1 armed moron out of a tree? you wave

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Why did a Monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Where did Susie go when the bomb went of? Everywhere?

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What is a dogs favorite color? Gray due to the fact that they cant see any other color

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A drum set.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

ive got it ive got ive got outsimers to tonight wow bim bim bub bub za za

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

so your paddling up stream in a cement canoe, one wheel falls off. how many pancakes does it take to shingle a dog house? 46 cause bears dont like eggs.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm random but can still rhyme Hatsune Miku

thumb_up thumb_down +29

When life gives you lemons.... Impossible life is not a person nor a dispenser of lemons.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What do cows in Africa say? Moo

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Whats worse than pulling down a girls pants and seeing a giant furry bush... finding out her vagina has teeth in it.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Why did Suzy fall off the swing? She was a donut.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops