roses are brown violets are brown, who took a shit in my garden

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A guy walks into a bar and says "ouch!" The bartender says "are you okay?" "Yeah I just stubbed my toe" Then the guy walks it off, and then orders a drink.

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why do you care?

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A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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What makes Stephen Hawking such a lame scientist??? A: He has a debilitating disease, it's called ALS.

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my candy brings all the kids to the yard and i'm like- get in the van.

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What do you call a mexican with a driveable lawnmower? Rather wealthy.. He must have a secure job to pay for a home with a lawn, and a lawnmower.

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Why was the little girl crying? Because she was hanging upside down from an oak tree.

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Why don't bats have penises? They do. I tried. Menstruation.

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What does the fox say? A scream-y howl. A shrill, hoarse scream of anguish, it sounds more than anything like a human baby undergoing some kind of physical torture.

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A: Can I get a tall white Russian. B: No. A: Why not? B: Because this is a Barnes and Nobles. However, we do have a Starbucks, and I can offer you a venti caramel iced coffee"

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A gay man kisses a gay man and therefore is considered gay.

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women drivers>asian drivers>asian women drivers

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Duncan walks into a bar and is greeted by his friends Eric and Tom. Duncan tells them that his wife left and took the kids. Duncan then goes home and hangs himself.

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No this is Patrick, I'm not a krusty krab

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why was sally bleeding? they never buy band-aids over her nubs.

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doctor,doctor my eyesight is getting worse, you are certainly right, this is the post office

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There is a dead guy on the road lying in a puddle of blood with a gunshot wound on his head. What happened? He died

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Ok, I have a knock knock joke for ya.......you start.

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3 guys walked into a bar. The fourth one ducked.

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Why is there a rock in a boy's foot? He wasn't weraing shoes.

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What comes after 69? mouthwash

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Q: A black man, A Mexican, And a Asian are in a car. Who Is Driving? A: The Cop.

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How did Clumsy Clearance eat shit? He was in the Human Centipede.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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