what did the gay man say to the pole? May i have this dance

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Why did the beachball get sad after it was deflated? Beachballs don't have emotions.

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How much is a pet whale? $1350.99

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how did the farmer die? his dog shot him

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whats the difference between ebola and a can of dead babies? i have ebola. this isnt funny at all.

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So, a man walks into a bar. His alcoholic habits are slowly tearing apart his marriage.

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WHO WANTS SOW????

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Whats worse than burnt toast? Getting molested

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How do spell____? awk moment when u try asking someone how to spell something over text but they have no idea what ur saying

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What did the robot say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede. (do you get it cause the robot has no arms)

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What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter because he won't come anyways.

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Why did the boy fall off the zipline? He had no arms.

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yo mamas so old she probably ralises the greater risk of breast cancer in middle age women.

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your mama so jewish ( fat ) she had to take up two seats on the plane to fly here in the end there was no chocolate left she was taking up the whole plane space.

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Father Murphy met Samuel Myer on the street. Sam it's been a month o' Sundays since I've seen you. You look propserous. How's the moile business? A snip better, Father, since we talked last. And thank you. For what, Sam? Well the last time we met you asked what I did with the foreskins. Well, here is the answer, my new business. What's this, a wallet. But so smooth, Sam. Yeah, Father, but when you rub it. Rub it, Sam? Yeah when you rub it it falls apart. And you have to buy a new one! Mazel Tov!

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Betty wanted to see time fly so she threw her alarm clock out the window. Shortly after, her mother grounded her as it was quite expensive and she had become less punctual without it.

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A doctor, a farmer, and a blonde walk into a bar. The doctor orders red wine because he knows it's good for the heart. The farmer orders a Piña Colada because he likes fruit. The two men wait eagerly to what the blonde is about to order. The blonde opens her purse and says "Damn it, I can't find my credit card." Suddenly, a handsome young gentleman walks up to her says "Don't worry miss, I'll buy a drink for you. What are you having?" The blonde looks up and says "Don't worry? I just lost my credit card!" In a fit a of anger, the blonde storms out the bar and doesn't order anything.

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How do you kill a blonde? Cut off the bloodflow to their vital organs.

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Roses are red, Violets are pretty, look at their team, Surrender at 20.

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Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.

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Did you hear about the guy with five penises? Me neither, because that sounds like a very improbable aberration.

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A man walks into a bar. He suffers a fatal concussion and the playground is shut down by local police until proper padding is installed.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the baby monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the dead monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? You did?! Oh . . .

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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