So a moose walks into a grocery store and asks the clerk, who is a penguin, "Where's the bread?" And the penguin says "On isle three!" But, when the moose gets to isle three... The bread isn't there!

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How do you get a baby into a bowl? Use a blender. How do you get the baby out of the bowl? Tortilla chips.

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What did the blind man say to the train conductor? Nothing. He was mute too.

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Y u do dis?

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Knock, knock ... ... No one answers the door because knocks produce a quieter sound than a doorbell and the residents of the house are upstairs watching a movie.

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Did you hear the one about the HIV positive man that got rear-ended on the highway? The motorist behind him was distracted on his cell phone, and did not hit the breaks in time to stop.

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How do you stop a bus ? Put 3 small children in front of it Whats sad about 3 children who died in a bus crash ? They were my kids. How do you know if you're blind ? You run in to a wall

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Priest: "Matt, will you take Senae to be your wife, your partner in life and your one true love? Will you cherish her friendship and love her today, tomorrow and forever? Will you trust and honor her, laugh with her and cry with her? Will you be faithful through good times and bad, in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live?" Matt: No

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How do you kill a blonde? Shoot her repeatedly in the face and then slit her throat.

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How do you get a blonde out of a tree? Shoot her in the head.

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because She's Dead.

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What's black and white and red all over? A referee eating a red Popsicle on a hot summers day.

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why did Jen fall off the swing? because she had no arms. knock knock who's there not Jen

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A man walks into a bar in the morning. He is the bartender, and he works there.

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What happens when lady gaga and chris brown jump into the pool at the same exact time. They get wet

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So heres a scenario. You and your twin brother are Siamese twins. You are straight and your brother is gay. Your bother has a friend come over. You only have one butt....

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what do you get if you put in a pan- a raw chicken, a lemon, assorted vegetables, onions, maybe some soy sauce, and a little olive oil then place this pan into an oven for around two hours, allowing the chicken to moisten. then serve with the assorted vegetable .supper.

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what do you call a man with no friends? it's because of all the wear and tear that's done to the socks being thrown in her, and she desanitizes only the nun with no forebeard

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What did Batman say to Robin before getting into the Batmobile? Get in the Batmobile

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How did the baby cross the ocean? It was stapled to a whale.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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What do you call a person that is green, wearing plaid, and standing next to you in the elevator? What ever their name is

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roses are red violets are blue your friend is a scumbag and so are you

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an athiest walks into a church

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops