- Anti Joke

Whats black and has white cream in it? Oreos

knock knock. who's there? Alticka Alticka who? Alticka pudding cup.

What's worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies. What's worse than a pile of dead babies? One baby is alive in the middle. What's worse than that? He is eating his way out...

What's black and always in the back of a cop car? The seat.

CAUSE IT'S ONE, TWO, THREE STRIKES YOU'RE OUT

How do you fit 1000 Jews into a car? You can't. You'd need a much larger vehicle.

Your mum is so dead, when I kick her she doesn't move.

Who's lower than Iran? United Arab Emirates.

How many Nazis does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. Their domestic handiness was not impeded by their warped sense of entitlement and racial superiority.

Alright alright Tifa, you look totally different from your drawn identical twin. And yeah I could have been a bit more subtle, don't you worry, I have a special knack for SPAMMING COMMENTS INTO THE ABYSS! I mean sheesh you where pretty open about it earlier, and you said you did not give a damn about what random people thought... Moral: But yeah, I can do better than that, I just do not want to, no seriously, if you are going to go feeling ashamed, then I have failed you.

Jinoo walks into a club it's not a club anymore it's a slaying factory

Q-What did the hobo get for Christmas? A-Pneumonia.

A long time ago there was a kid named John. It was John's first day of first grade. His teacher, Mrs. Jones, gave his class one homework assignment: Write down a word you've never heard before and tell me tomorrow. On the way home from school, John sees some kids playing basketball. The tallest kid shoots and misses and says "Purplefarkle!" When he gets home, John writes it down. The next day at school, Mrs. Jones asks the class to write their words down on the board. She asks John what word he found and he says "Purplefarkle." She slaps him across the face and sends him to Principal Zuckerman's office. When he gets to Principal Zuckerman's office, she asks him, "Why are you here?" John says, "Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write down a word we've never heard before, but when I told her, she slapped me across the face and sent me here!" She says, "Oh my! What word was it?" John says, "Purplefarkle." She looks angry, and slaps him across the face and expels him from school. When John gets home, his mom is surprised to see him back already. She says, "John, what are you doing at home? School isn't over for two more hours!" John says, "Well, Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write a word we've never heard before and tell it to her, but when I did, she slapped me across the face and sent me to Principal Zuckerman's office, and when I told her, she slapped me across the face and expelled me from school, and I don't know what this word means, I swear!" John's mom said, "I'll call the school, but first, tell me what word it was." John says, "Purplefarkle," and his mom slaps him across the face and says, "Go to your room! Just wait until your father gets home!" John goes to his room and waits for his dad to get home. When he does, he goes up to John's room and says, "John, your mother is hysterical, and she won't tell me what you've done. Could you explain what you've done?" John says, "Well, Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write a word we've never heard before and tell it to her, but when I did, she slapped me across the face and sent me to Principal Zuckerman's office, and when I told her, she slapped me across the face and expelled me from school, and when I told mom, she slapped me across the face and sent me to my room, and I still don't know what this word means, I swear!" His dad looks very serious, and asks him, "What was the word, John?" John says, "Purplefarkle." He slaps John and kicks him out of the house. John wanders around in the streets for a few hours, until it gets dark. Soon, a policeman stops him and says, "Son, what are you doing out here all alone, it's the middle of the night, shouldn't you be at home?" John says, "Well, my teacher Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write a word we've never heard before and tell it to her, but when I did, she slapped me across the face and sent me to Principal Zuckerman's office, and when I told her, she slapped me across the face and expelled me from school, and when I told mom, she slapped me across the face and sent me to my room, and when my dad got home, he slapped me across the face and kicked me out of my family, and I still don't know what this word means, I swear!" The policeman says to John, "Woah son, this is serious. I'll go talk to your parents about this, but first you have to tell me what the word was. "Purplefarkle." The policeman looks alarmed, grabs John, slaps him across the face, throws him onto the hood of the squad car, handcuffs him, and throws him into the back seat. The next day, John is in court. The judge is surprised to see a six year-old boy standing in front of him. He asks, "Little boy, is this a joke? What are you doing here?" John looks at him and says, "Well, my teacher Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write a word we've never heard before and tell it to her, but when I did, she slapped me across the face and sent me to Principal Zuckerman's office, and when I told her, she slapped me across the face and expelled me from school, and when I told mom, she slapped me across the face and sent me to my room, and when my dad got home, he slapped me across the face and kicked me out of my family, and when I told the policeman, he slapped me across the face and arrested me, and I still don't know what this word means, I swear!" Again, the judge was surprised at how much had happened to the boy in just a couple of days. He asked, "Could you tell me what the word was?" John said, "Purplefarkle." The judge leaped over his desk, and slapped John across the face, and sentenced him to 30 years in prison. ... 30 years later, John is finally let out of prison. He is sitting on a park bench, feeding the birds and squirrels, and feeling sad because he has no money, no home, no family, no car, and less than a first grade education. An old woman walks by and says to John, "You look so sad, is something wrong?" John takes a deep breath and says, "Well, my teacher Mrs. Jones gave us an assignment to write a word we've never heard before and tell it to her, but when I did, she slapped me across the face and sent me to Principal Zuckerman's office, and when I told her, she slapped me across the face and expelled me from school, and when I told mom, she slapped me across the face and sent me to my room, and when my dad got home, he slapped me across the face and kicked me out of my family, and when I told the policeman, he slapped me across the face and arrested me, and when I told the judge in court, he slapped me across the face and sentenced me to 30 years in prison, and now I have no money, no home, no family, no car, and less than a first grade education." The old woman says, "How dreadful! Would you tell me the word?" And John says, "Purplefarkle," and immediately cringes. "What," the woman says, "Did you think I was going to slap you? That word was very controversial 30 years ago. I could tell you anything you want about it, but I'm late for my hair appointment. Tell you what, meet me over there at the café across the street in one hour and I'll tell you anything you want to know." For the first time in 30 years, John is happy. He knows he's about to find out what the word that ruined his life means. All he can do is smile while he waits. After one hour, he starts to walk over to the café. While he's crossing the street he is hit by a bus and dies on impact. The moral of the story is: Always look both ways before crossing the street.

Diarrhea

Whats up with your nan? Copious amounts of lsd

a dyslexic made a dessert. it was a bit dry.

69 :)

Why did the man walk into the grocery store? To provide an alibi for his identical twin who was committing 1st degree murder at the time.

Why shouldn't you worry about having a baby? Because with all these jokes, babies aren't even going to be around anymore. "What's funnier than a dead baby?" "A dead baby in a clown costume"

What's faker than a rich mexican? A unicorn smoking weed

What's worse than finding out you have cancer? Nothing... (The game.)

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

What do you have Canasta!!! Were not playing canasta you stupid asshole

What did the man do after he got in his car with out his keys? He started it up and drove Away

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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