Three blondes walk into a bar. They have an intellectual conversation over some drinks.

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how do you get blondes to drown? stick a mirror to the bottom of the pool

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Whats the difference between a pizza and a baby? Humans don't eat babies, other than a Cannibals because some tend to eat babies.

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your momma is so fat that when she steps on the scale it shows that she is overwhieght

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What's worse than celery stuck between your teeth? A cruise ship stuck between your teeth.

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The grandfather's grandson said, "They charged me $10 just for a cup of coffee!" The grandfather said, "They charged me with bayonets."

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What's brown, no one likes and has had a bad history? Dog poop

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What do you get when you cross drugs with a bathtub? Whitney Houston's worst nightmare

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Q-"what did the carrot say to the plant" A-"nothing because neither one of these objects can talk"

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How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? You shoot at the blonde. Causing her to fall, but I have a feeling she will be pretty mad!

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Your mom's so fat, I tried to rape her but couldn't find her p**** and gave up. Instead I decided to take her out to dinner. We enjoyed a lovely meal and I spent the rest of the night trimming her fat with a vegetable peeler while she screamed and bled all over the floor.

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Q: Why is 8 afraid of 9? A:Because 9 killed 8's family

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Q. How do you blindfold a Chinese man? A. With a blindfold.

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I think I am done here friend, it always comes to this, it has always been easier for me to repair whatever is wrong with others and get my kicks out of that, as I know I can and will repair everything wrong with myself, but its hard as hell, I mean I never give up, ever. But that does not change the fact that I am broken, and that simply deciding that I am not, is far from enough, its a choice indeed, but its like deciding to constantly walk trough hell, and sometimes that hell is also called living, that too is always a choice, And believe me, I would never quit, I guess that if this hell I struggle trough has so many nice things in it, it just feels like hell at times. I mean the main motivation behind my ability to help others, has always been searching for answers low and high, and when what I have learned trough life helps others, but barely scratches the surface of the armor I am confined within, I lose hope, do you believe that my desire to help humanity grow, derived from my own incompetence at curing myself?

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If I give you 5 dollars, and you give me 5 dollars, then we both still have 5 dollars, which when combined will equal 10 dollars. Meaning we could buy something that cost's 10 dollars or less. But we should probably also factor in tax, so we should only buys something that costs a little over 9 dollars.

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So three Jews walk into a Biker Bar. Despite the fact that is was a self-proclaimed "Biker Bar", the group of men inside were in fact rather open-minded, and had no issues with new members. They had a rich conversation, and frequented the bar thereafter.

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What did the framer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

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And the guy who played Trapper John on MASH wins the coveted 'Last Famous TV Person to Die in 2015' award!!! Woooooooo!!!!

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Roses are red Violets are blue This doesn't rhyme F*ck it

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why was sally bleeding? they never buy band-aids over her nubs.

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What do you call a person mowing a lawn? A Mexican

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why did the little girl eat grapes? because she felt like it.

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Have you seen the new Spiderman movie yet? No, Uncle ben hasn't seen it either.

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Knock Knock! Who's there? Hitler.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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