Q: Why did the duck eat some grass? A: because we are so careless that we caused global causing the entire pond to shrink to a size where it cannot raise a family and the fish could not prosper so the duck could not eat what it had forcing it do consume an inedible substence causing it to die because is not a natural part of a ducks diet

thumb_up thumb_down -11

my candy brings all the kids to the yard and i'm like- get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How many men do you have to have sex with to show that you're gay? But, I'm a woman!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

quik reply fuckker, im at the room on the left at the uh... forgot anywayss third floor, to the end of the hospital, btw, I told The Goat and Fingern to wait for you at the entrance, and I paid them to kick your ass... WHOS YOUR DADDY! Well soon ill be your dad and the father of your sisters first kid! Man, relax, I told them to just drag you outside and kick you in the nuts, then some atomixc elbows and make u bleed... Your suufering is none of use of me if your ded, plz reply abut your sufferage when they are done, u really think id fight your dirty shit yourself? I AM THE LEADer THE ONE WHO KNOcKS! I DONT LIKE THE FIGHT! PEOPLE FIGHT FOR ME! IN MY NamEN MY GLORY!! Amen, you will soon become an uncle... Nah, tell your sis its a joke, I already told her I insist bangign her look at the pone Goat has in his poket, her last responz is "now?" and two smileys with eyes poppingg XD Seriously, if they are not already kicking your ass... Well, they sent me a pic, I suppose you will end up at the hospital too, looks bad kid... But you know the goat, that kid wants to kill, and probably has... ill let theem know that if thhhhey kill youu, they hmmm... then I cantt beat you um mysepf, so no killins in my name, reelas ill call em, but you are just bruise now, I want moar blood. Nero Metal, the coldest leader, of the universe. (dat tok like 6 mins to tyype so wort it, if you diee, i dont responsible for the goat, but i think finger will stop him zoon.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do Kim Kardashian and a broken-down horse have in common? They will both eat oats out of your hand.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Two scuba divers are playing cards on the bottom of the ocean. One asks "have you got amy threes?" Then they both die from maintained exposure to the incredible pressure at the bottom of the sea. One left behind three children.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the taxi driver say to the chicken when the chicken called a cab? "aren't you supposed to be crossing a road somewhere?" Little did the taxi driver know that the chickens license was taken away for multiple DUIs because when his wife left him he became an alcoholic mess, lost his job and became depressed. But when he called the taxi, he was on his way to a job interview. Since he never made it to his job interview he soon went broke and lost his home. Having hit rock bottom, the chicken unawarely started to cross a busy road and was ran over by that same taxi driver.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Roses are red Violets are blue Black people are black They are inferior

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the man staple his own scrotum to his left thigh? He didn't. His friends did.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

what happened when the chicken crossed the road? it didn't the hunter shot it

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's the difference between jam and jelly? Jelly is a clear or translucent fruit spread made from sweetened fruit juice, and set using naturally occurring pectin. Jam contains both fruit juice and pieces of fruit.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did Helen Keller say after the Iron Maiden show? Nothing, she is a mute.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

If an asian man is really angry with a jewish man named gabriel what does he say? Gabriel I am angry with you

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Some guy: Which of these is not delicious,watermelon,chicken,or kool aid. Black guy: What?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the man walk into the bar? To purchase alcoholic beverages ready for consumption.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Roses are red violets are blue I have boobs and so do you

thumb_up thumb_down -11

So three philosophers walk into a bar. Is it necessarily the case that they walk into a bar?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the depressed man get for his birthday? a rope

thumb_up thumb_down -11

what did the guy say to the other guy? nothing because right before he was going to say something he was hit by a truck and got knocked out for 11 hours and right before he was going to wake a plane crashed into the hospital and everybody died except for two gay guys.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

hi

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What do you call a scottish drunk? a taxi

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What's the difference between an X-box and Michael Jackson? One is an inanimate object and the other is a human being.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Christianity

thumb_up thumb_down -13

An alien, a midget, and a Jew walk into a bar... I forget the rest but your mom's a whore

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops