Two fish were lying on a bank. One said "I can't breath." The other one was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

What do you think JFK would be doing if he was alive today? Yelling for help and trying to somehow escape his coffin.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A policeman walks into a pretzel shop. He sees two freshly baked pretzels. One was a salted.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Yo momma's so fat, she's broke 'cause she spent too much money on food.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was an attempted suicide. His family left him, he had been in and out of rehab for a terrible cocaine addiction for over ten years, and was still having nightmares about his abusive past.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

In my eyes Nero, you are much like a philosopher, the kind which are mocked while they live, and then a couple thousands years later, are recognized as the most intelligent beings of their time.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the overweight blind kid get for Christmas? His parents died in a tragic car crash and he was left alone, fat and blind to fend for himself

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Whats black and white and red all over. A penguin in a blender.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Whats blue and white and red all over? The American flag

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Thank you Jesus, for this wonderful meal we have tonight. De nada.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do you call a man who has a camera? a cameraman

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A priest, rabbi, and a monk are sitting on a plane. One is in first class, one is in business class, and one is in coach. It turns out they're all going to the same interfaith conference.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

what did the jew say when the arab threw rocks at him? He didnt, the israeli air force proceeded to fire white phosphorous missiles and annihalated many small children and babies in the process, the aftermath is still around today.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why couldn't the little girl color in her coloring book? Her arms were amputated.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

whats got two legs and cant walk a paraplegic

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q: whats white and smells like shit A: my ass

thumb_up thumb_down +11

This Anti-Joke Is Loading Plese Wait . . .

thumb_up thumb_down +11

who holds the world record for longest amount of time on fire? Jim Rome

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A horse walks into a bar and the bar asks "Why the long face?". The horse replies " I am deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law."

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q.How do you scare an emo?? A.Run after them with plasters

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Knock knock. Who's there? The police. You wife was killed in an accident.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A blonde girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "I said 'I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW AFTERNOON TO PICK UP MY DRESS'," says the girl, this time louder.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Q. What did the atheist ask the pregnant woman? A. You gonna eat that?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops