whats black and blue and red all over? my wife shhh!

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A man came home one day, drunk and feeling horny. He proceeded to the bedroom where he found his wife just getting into bed in a lace bra and sexy underwear. This turned him on even more so he cuddled up to her and whispered seductivly in her ear before kissing her neck. His wife was not in the mood for sex so she shot him

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Q. What's green, has wheels and flies? A. A garbage truck.

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I used to be an adventurer like you, Then I settled down in a quiet place in the woods with a girl and raised a family.

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these jokes are not funny but there funny because there not funny aaaaaaaa pissing me off

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What did the old man catch at a baseball game? Aids.

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How many black ppm does it take to screw in a light bulb All of them, plus 1 white guy.

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Two men walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have some H2O!" The second man says "I'll have some H2O too!" Both men get water, because the bartender knows better than to give someone dihydrogen dioxide.

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Why is six afraid of seven? Seven is a rapist.

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What happened to the little boys house? It burned down. How did the boy die? In the fire.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because Acl tear stepped on a spit.

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What has three legs and herpes? A male prostitute.

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What was unprecedented about Roosevelt running for president in 1940? He had polio, he couldn't run!

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A farmer was robbed and complained to the sheriff's department that he suspected it was a black man behind the crime. "How do you know this for sure?" The sheriff asked him. He replied, "I chased him into the night, it was dark and I couldn't see him"

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Why did the little girl cry? Because she had just witnessed the slaughter of her entire family and friends in front of her eye, leaving her not only peerless and alone, but also with the mental scars which come with witnessing such a harrowing ordeal.

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What does a blonde's pussy taste like? The same as her brain, cabbage.

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Whats the difference between a Duck? One of its legs are both the same.

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How do you make a mime cry? Hit him with an axe

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A deaf lion tried to kill a zebra. It succeeded.

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

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A man walks into a bar. He walks out again remembering he forgot his wallet.

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There once was a man from Peru. Who dreamed he was eating his shoe. I shot him in the head. With a bullet made of lead. And now he's dead. No more shoe ingestion

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So a pirate walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink. The bartender then looks down and realizes that the pirate has a steering wheel on his penis. "Sir, are you aware that you have a steering wheel on your penis?" the bartender asks. "Arrrrrrr! It's driving me crazy! I just woke up one day and it was there!" The pirate replied. "Well you should probably get that checked out soon, it looks like it could be very harmful to your health and slightly uncomfortable. Not to mention your penis is out in the open." "You are right, what was I thinking?" The pirate agreed. He proceeded to get his friend to drive him to a hospital, for drinking and driving is not safe, and steering wheels on penises are not healthy.

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What do you call a banana that just got pealed A banana

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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