Roses are red the grass is green now open your legs and let me fill you with cream

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why were the 3 men wearing black suits? They just left their mothers funeral, she died of terminal cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

The Tiarajudens is a Permian land-walrus.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What did tarzan say when he saw the elephants? Here come the elephants

thumb_up thumb_down +1

what did chloe say to alexis? you took my phone

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Whats scary about the asian man driving a car? He was blind

thumb_up thumb_down +1

4 men walk into a bar... Don't jump to conclusions! They were gay.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Hey I just met you, and your f$#king crazy,I ate your pizza, so go get me another one!!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Found out my dad was gay the other day. Now I have to take him to dance clubs, take him to musicals and find the man who gave birth to me.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call a baby that fell in lava Dead

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why didn't the woman make sandwiches? She was making baguettes.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

(Pretend that your adopted, and no one loves you) Knock Knock Who's there? Not your parents.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Q: How many babies does it take to paint a room? A: Depends on how hard you can throw.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What is the difference between ashes and a jew? A lot

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Chuck Norris screams in pain.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Where did Suzy go during the bombing? Everywhere

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Your momma;s so fat she stepped on the scale and said one at a time please!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's the best way to toss a salad? With a salad spinner from the home shopping network.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What do you get when you cross George Bush and Barack Obama? Presidents.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the cat bite its owner's? Because the owner had been dead for several days and the cat was locked in the house with nothing else to eat.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -1

If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How does Ron Weasley greet Harry in the morning? Mornin' Horry, how did ghe' sleep?

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did little timmy cry? He was nailed to a ceiling fan.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops