A mans wife gets pregnant after he has a visectomy... She was artificially inseminated using sperm he froze before the operation

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a chicken walks into a cafe, where it is swiftly caught, killed, plucked ,and served with stuffing and all for £5.99

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Knock Knock Who's there? Not Anne Frank

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A zebra dies and goes to animal heaven. All the animals around him are trotting, flying, jumping, each according to its own species, in the kind of bliss that only eternity can bring. But the zebra is not impressed and mopes through heaven's green fields. A giraffe notices his languid stupor and asks, "Why so glum, pal?" The zebra mournfully replies, "All my life I've wondered if I was black with white stripes or white with black stripes." The giraffe, hoping to get the zebra to some answers as quickly as possible, suggests, "Why not go as God?" The zebra, somewhat taken aback by the notion that God might give him an audience, replies, "Oh, I can do that?" The giraffe says, "Sure, I'll show you the way!" The giraffe leads the zebra to a great tabernacle of gold and points the way up a long stairway of diamond. The zebra follows the stairs up to two great ivory doors. But no matter what he tried, the zebra couldn't get the door open. The only animals that could open the door for him would be the primates because of their opposable digits, but the zebra wasn't much of a social animal, so he didn't have any friends. He spent eternity with no answer to his question.

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What's black,white, and red all over? Nothing, because if it is completely covered in red then it can only be red.

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What's hard and orange on the outside, and squidgy in the middle? A tanned man's head

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whats the same about a spider and a grape? they both have eight legs, except for the grape.

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I was at work today and whilst staring at my beautiful colleague I realised how hard it had got. So I quit

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(To the tune of Perry the Platypus) He's a completely retarded Allosaurus of action! A purple dopey dimwit who always giggles away! He never does anything But children's songs he does sing And the little kids squeal whenever they hear him say... *i love you, you love me* He's Barney! Barney the Dinosaur!

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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Why did the tornado cross the road? Cuz it's a tornado. Don't question it. Run.

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Hey

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Why did the baby die, because he got herpes, so did his mother, there both dead now.

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What did tarzan say when he saw 100 elephants coming over the hill? Look there's 100 elephants coming over the hill What did tarzan say when he saw 100 elephants coming over the hill with sunglasses on? Nothing he did not recognize them

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Whats the difference between a dead baby and a Ferrari? The baby is not a car.

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Your Momma is so fat when she pressed "up" on the elevator it went crashing down.

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What did your mother say after I beat her? Nothing, because she was dead.

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What did the cow say to the farmer? moo

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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what's worst than being gay? being black

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why cant monkeys swim? cause they dont have staberlizers.

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Why was the kid crying? Cause he had a frog stapled to his face.

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Roses are red violets are blue I have boobs and so do you

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What's green and has wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops